Blog

By: Ranjita Rao

Adolescence is always a confusing time – add in the challenge of navigating new experiences, the modern pressures of social media, and heightened competition for colleges, and it’s no wonder so many teens feel nervous, overwhelmed and anxious. How do you help your teen when you see them struggling with anxiety?
 
Normalize and validate their anxiety. Anxiety is completely normal. Let your child know that everyone experiences anxiety at some point in their life. Also, let them know that their anxiety can be overcome, and that by learning coping skills, they can learn to manage their anxiety in the future as well.  
 
Engage in Mindfulness. Did you know that studies have shown that mindfulness has similar effects on the brain as exercise? Educate your child about the benefits of mindfulness exercises and encourage them to try them out. With apps like Headspace and Insight Timer, it’s easier than ever to get started with mindfulness practice.
 
Avoid pressuring your teen. Your teen needs to be able to go at their own pace. Overcoming anxiety does not happen overnight. Avoid comments such as “just snap out of it already” and questions like “you’re still worried about that?”  Instead, ask your teen how they’re feeling and provide encouraging responses that validate their experiences.
 
Know when to seek help from a mental health professional. If your child is in distress or if their anxiety is keeping them from doing day-to-day activities, it may be time to seek professional help. Professionals can help your teen talk through and process their anxious feelings. By providing coping skills and resources to manage anxiety more effectively, a professional can be a very beneficial for your anxious teen.

By: Eric Kruse

Everyone experiences shame. The less we talk about it, the more it grows inside of us. Typically, we learn it from our parents, peers in school, and social norms. It impacts our self-worth and our ability to connect with others. Brené Brown studied shame, worthiness, and vulnerability for over a decade. I have compiled several quotes from Brené that I believe everyone should read. I encourage you to read through these quotes, read through my thoughts about these quotes, and think about how these quotes apply to your own life and your own experience of shame.
 
Brené Quote 1: “We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous.”
 
Shame is effective for behavior modification because it stuns someone and forces to them reflect inward. People avoid feeling shame. Thus, if someone shames you for your behavior, there is a good chance that you may not repeat that behavior. The problem with using shame in this way is that it has catastrophic side effects, such as damaging one’s self-worth. Shame and guilt are different. Guilt is “I did something bad.” Shame is “I am bad.” People who experience high levels of shame are less likely to feel like they belong in society and more likely to socially isolate and experience depression. A better way to keep people “in line” is to help them understand the consequences of their behaviors and how that impacts themselves and others. Inspire them to be better rather than stunning them with a shame grenade.

Brené Quote 2: “Shame derives its power from being unspeakable… Shame unravels connection. Shame is the fear of disconnection… The less you talk about it, the more you have it”
 
We live in a society where people project the best version of themselves. We hide our faults out of fear of embarrassment. Unfortunately, the more we hide the parts of ourselves we don’t like or the parts we are ashamed of, the bigger our shame gets. You can bury it and pretend its not there, but it won’t go away. You cannot selectively numb parts of yourself. If you numb your shame, you will also numb part of your joy. The only way to reduce shame is through talking about it. You will feel more like your authentic self and have an easier time connecting with others.

Brené Quote 3: “If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”

Finding the right person to talk to about your shame is difficult. It is an act of vulnerability and courage. If you talk about your shame and you receive more shame as a response, it wont help. However, if you are received with empathy and understanding, then it will alleviate part of your suffering. A good place to get empathy and understanding is from a professional counselor who can help you work through it. In addition, remember that everyone has shame, so if you someone talks to you about their shame, meet them with empathy and understanding.

Brené Quote 4: “You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
 
This quote speaks to the most important part of self-acceptance. We all have faults and that does NOT mean that there is something wrong with us or that we are unworthy of love and acceptance. Life is a struggle and we are equipped to handle the struggle. Sometimes we fail at things, but that does not mean we are a failure. Sometimes we hurt our loved ones, but that does not mean we are bad people. We all belong in this society. None of us are perfect. The sooner your realize that, the sooner you can start being the person you were meant to be: your authentic self.
 
If you have not seen Brené Brown’s talk on “Listening to Shame,” I highly encourage you do so. Here is the link: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame
 
If you need some additional coaching on empathy, here is a cute cartoon that Brené Brown did on empathy: https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw

By: Eric Kruse

What is impulsiveness?
Impulsiveness is when you do something without any forethought, reflection, or consideration of the consequences. It can be unnecessarily risky and associated with undesirable, rather than desirable, outcomes. Examples of impulsive behavior are excessive spending, substance use, sex, fighting with others, and self-harm.

Emotional states are often the catalyst for impulsive behavior. For example, have you ever said something to someone that you regretted because you were in a bad mood? In that moment you were probably not considering how what you said may impact the other person or how it would impact you once you realized how it impacted the other person. If this is something you struggle with, the following are some steps you can learn to get your impulses under control.

Step 1: Understand how your impulsiveness functions
Everyone’s impulsive behavior is different, which is why it is important for you to understand how your impulsive behavior manifests. You need to uncover the early warning signs, identify the emotions that trigger your impulsive urges, and learn to identify the thoughts and feelings as they are happening in the moment. 

Focus on the thoughts, emotions, urges, and physiological sensations you are experiencing in your body and explore that. Name it in your mind. For instance, “I am noticing a hot sensation across my body, here is the anger that makes me want to criticize my partner” or “I am noticing my heart racing, here is the anxiety that makes me want to drink alcohol.” Writing in a journal and talking it through with a therapist is a great way to gain awareness into this process. Its not easy at first and you may not notice your impulsiveness until after you are impulsive. It’s an ongoing practice.

Step 2: Interrupt the Impulse
Sometimes you can setup conditions that make acting on the impulse harder or you can condition yourself to follow certain steps before you allow your self to act. The following are some examples of impulse interruption:

• If you notice your body is getting hot and that you are feeling angry, you can step away from the situation and write down your thoughts and feelings before you choose to return to the situation and respond.
• If you struggle with alcohol abuse, you can get rid of all the alcohol in your place of residence so that it is not readily available.
• If you struggle with spending impulsively, you can force yourself to wait 48 hours before you make any purchases and run your thoughts about the purchase by a loved one who has better spending habits than you.

Step 3: Challenge Negative thoughts and Take Action
Once you understand how your impulsiveness functions and you implement your impulse interrupters, its time to challenge your negative thoughts and take action. For example, let’s say you notice you are feeling anxious and have you the urge to drink alcohol to self-medicate your anxiety. You labeled the thoughts in your mind by saying, “I am noticing my heart racing, here is the anxiety that makes me want to drink alcohol.” You removed the alcohol from your place of residence, but now you are noticing that you are motivated to go out and buy more. You notice a negative inner dialogue about being a failure and how nothing matters so you should just drink.

It’s time to challenge those negative thoughts by saying, “I am not a failure. Things matter. This anxiety will pass. I am going to tolerate this feeling until it passes. Alcohol will make things worse in the long run, remember the negative consequences it has caused in the past. Temporary relief will be followed by an increase in future suffering.” After you challenge your negative thoughts, its time to take action. Go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Call a friend. Engage in physical exercise. Eat something healthy. Drink a relaxing tea. Take a hot shower or bath. Get creative. 

By: Ranjita Rao

I hear so many people tell me about their lack of quality sleep nowadays. Whether it be stress, anxiety, or too much time sitting in front of a computer screen, there are many different factors that contribute not only to your ability to fall asleep, but also to the quality of sleep that you actually get. Lack of sleep can increase your risk of obesity by 15%, your risk of cardiovascular disease, and your risk of mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression. Being awake for twenty hours or more has a comparable effect on your brain as being intoxicated. Here are some easy things you can start doing to not only get yourself to sleep, but also to improve the quality of sleep you’re getting!
 
Exercise. Getting exercise is one of the best ways to promote continuous sleep. If you find that getting to sleep is harder when you exercise later in the day, make sure you exercise before 3pm.
 
Avoid screen time. Make it a rule to avoid any screen time at least an hour before bedtime. Research shows that the blue light from phones, computers, and even TVs interferes with falling asleep and makes it harder to get into quality REM sleep.
 
Separate work and sleep areas. Avoid doing any work in bed. This even includes checking emails or making phone calls. Our brain makes associations between doing work and our environment, so reserve your bed for sleeping and relaxing.
 
Journal/Meditate. Journaling and meditating are great ways to unwind from your day and bring yourself into the “here and now”. While trying to fall asleep, your mind can be plagued with incessant thoughts. Getting these thoughts out of your mind through journaling, and following this up with some quiet reflection or meditation, is a great way to slow yourself down and help ease yourself into a restful night.

By: Eric Kruse

Legalization
Right now, 33 states have legalized medical marijuana, while 10 have legalized recreational marijuana. Advocates for legalization believe that legalizing the drug may reduce use and make its use safer. Critics argue that legalization will make marijuana more easily accessible, which will result in increased use, misuse, and abuse.

It’s too early to say whether legalization has resulted in increased marijuana use and research on the topic is inconsistent. The RAND corporation found a correlation between legalization, increased marijuana use, and increased dependence. However, Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health found increased use of marijuana, but lower rates of marijuana dependence.

Marijuana vs Alcohol
              Alcohol has been legal in all 50 states since the end of prohibition in 1933. Effects of alcohol on public health and safety are arguably more dangerous than marijuana. For example, liver damage, fatal care crashes, and anger outbursts that could lead to violent behaviors. Marijuana use is not harmless though. Daily marijuana abuse can increase depression and anxiety.

Marijuana and Depression
              Although marijuana is legal for medicinal purposes in 33 states, this system tends to get abused. Patients are prescribed marijuana for medical conditions that marijuana is not meant to treat, such as depression. Many patients claim that medical marijuana alleviates their depression and those who use it recreationally often use it for mood enhancement.

However, daily abuse of marijuana over time can increase depression. This is because your body builds a tolerance to any substance that you use daily. The stronger your tolerance gets, the less mood enhancement effect you will receive from the drug.

Furthermore, marijuana affects the processing of emotions. Researchers at Colorado State University conducted a 2-year study and found that marijuana users may have a reduced ability to implicitly identify emotions and to empathize on a deeper emotional level. Emotional connection and empathy play a vital role in cultivating meaningful relationships. Marijuana can impair these processes, which could result in increased social isolation. Furthermore, social isolation maintains depression and is a catalyst to increased depression.

Marijuana is a “Manageable” Addiction
              From a harm reduction standpoint, Marijuana is one of, if not the least harmful mind-altering substance one can be addicted to. Due to its less overtly harmful nature, it tends to be more “manageable” when compared to other addictions. For example, alcohol abusers will “blackout” and hurt themselves or others. Marijuana users eat too much food and go to bed. Unfortunately, it is still harmful in its own way. It distorts how we view ourselves, others, and the world around us. It can make us withdraw socially. It can make us feel apathetic, unmotivated, and depressed. Days turn into months, months turn into years, and we end up watching our life pass us by as we sit in a cloud of smoke.

Getting Help
              Marijuana addiction can be different to other substance addictions since it is lower on the totem pole for risky behaviors. Finding a recovery meeting tailored specifically to marijuana, such as Marijuana Anonymous can be beneficial for those who struggle with relating to harder drug addictions (meeting directory: https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/find-a-meeting/).

             If one-to-one support is your method of preference, counseling is a good approach. A therapist can help guide you through the early stages of sobriety.  

By: Katrin Steinert

We have all said things to loved ones that have caused pain and suffering. It may even have blown up a relationship in a way that was not expected. To be in any active relationship, whether it is romantic or friendly requires constant nurturing and communication. What happens when a relationship becomes heated and a rupture occurs? How do all involved actively repair a damaged relationship? Here are 5 tools that can help on the journey of healing:

1. Self-soothe - Before engaging in a conversation, process what feelings are coming up and calm down any jittery, angry or anxious thoughts that may pop up.
   
2. Active listening - To engage in active listening one must be able to process what is being said without willfully wanting to get their agenda heard.
   
3. Clarify - Ask questions and be curious about the other persons experience and perspective. Starting conversations with “I wonder if you felt…” can be helpful to make the other person feel understood.
   
4. Validate - Validate the others persons experience and let go of who is right or wrong. To validate does not mean to agree with but rather make the other person feel as though you understand their perspective.
   
5. Compromise - Find the middle path. Figure out what each person’s priorities are in the argument and see if there is a way to find meaning in the middle.
   

By: Ranjita Rao

While stress can be a normal part of life, too much of it can be unhealthy and take a toll on your body. Getting sick often, or feeling sluggish, overwhelmed, dysregulated, can all be signs that you might be stressed out. Start using these easy techniques in your daily routine to stay ahead of your stress!
 
Be present. Check in with yourself and your body. It’s not uncommon to be running on autopilot. Close your eyes a focus on what your body needs. Being mindful can help slow you down and help focus on the ‘here and now’.  
 
Make time for yourself. The days where you think you have no time for yourself are the days you need it the most. Whether it be ten minutes or an hour, make time to do something for yourself every day.
 
Get moving. Physical exercise can be one of the best ways to relieve stress. Figure out what you like to do, whether that be to run, hike, dance, or swim, and get out there and do it. If you can get outdoors—especially in nature, even better!
 
Meditate. Take some time every day to meditate. There are many different apps (Headspace, Calm.com) that can provide different genres of meditations. You do not need to spend an entire half hour meditating—it can actually even be done just a few minutes every day!
 
Remember, even a few minutes of any of these activities can work wonders on your stress level, and the way that you feel.  Take a minute to close your eyes and listen to your favorite song, step out of the office and take a brisk walk outside, do a 5- minute meditation.  When it comes to self-care, any amount is better than none.  Your body and mind will thank you!

By: Eric Kruse

“We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking” – Santosh Kalwar

What is a Cross Addiction

        Cross addiction is when an individual replaces one addiction with another. This is typical occurrence in drug and alcohol treatment. When an addict first gets sober, they need to find new ways to pass time. The goal is to accrue more time sober to restore one’s physical and mental health. The best way to amass sober time is to stimulate oneself without the use of drugs and alcohol. This can be through exercise, eating, social interaction, reading, watching movies, playing games, etc. Although the substance can be removed, the individuals addicted thinking pattern remains intact. Addicts tend to feel empty inside, like something is missing in their life. They chase anything to fill the empty void. Drugs used to fill the void, but now that one has made the choice to get sober, there is a high probability that they will find a new obsession to fill the void. That is the cross addiction. From a harm reduction standpoint, it is still an improvement, especially in the early stages of recovery, but balance is the long-term goal.

How to prevent cross addictions?

• Find multiple activities that stimulate you, not just one. You are less likely to overdo a single activity if you have multiple ways to keep yourself occupied. Anything in excess can be harmful, even exercise. Overexercise can lead to injury, fatigue, mood swings, and depression. If you are the type of person who hates working out, don’t worry, you are probably not overexercising.
• Make a schedule with different activities throughout your day and follow the schedule. If you scheduled 3 hours to watch Netflix at night, don’t binge watch for 8 hours, sleep in, cancel going to the gym in the morning, and then start binge watching more Netflix. This goes for work too. If you are employed and you find that you are overworking, set a cut off time in your day when you stop working and engage in a different activity. Yes, you can get addicted to your job. Once again, better to be addicted to your job than to drugs and alcohol, but that can take its toll over time as well.
• Avoid as many harmful cross addictions as possible. Examples include overeating, sex, and gambling. These cross additions are harmful to your recovery. Many individuals will binge on sugar during the early stages of their recovery. Although not terrible in the 1st 30 days of sobriety, it will catch up with you quickly.
• Force yourself to try new things, especially if you notice resistance. Remember, part of addicted thinking is its influence in poor decision making. It tells us that we want things that are bad for us. Sometimes we must push ourselves to try healthy activities that we don’t want to do. You may be surprised to learn that you enjoy it.

By: Katrin Steinert

Dialectical Behavior Therapy or DBT is an evidence-based treatment that was created by Marsha Linehan in the 1980s. DBT was originally created to treat highly acute borderline personality disorder. Linehan based DBT after having worked as a CBT therapist but realized that CBT was missing one key component; acceptance.

Dialect
The D in DBT stands for dialectical. The definition of a dialect is two seemingly opposite truths that exist at the same time. A good example of a dialect is I love you and I hate you. The world is full of dialects and DBT encourages the acceptance of living in the dialectic. 

Mindfulness
The cornerstone of DBT is mindfulness. According to Linehan, without the practice of mindfulness it would be nearly impossible to recognize and describe emotions that are coming up when high stress situations occur. Being mindful can be done in many ways including mindful walking, mindful driving or mindful eating. These are daily activities that most people engage in and by practicing them mindfully will create more insight into feelings and experiences that are coming up in the body.