Blog - Playa Vista Counseling

Carrying Mindfulness into the Holidays

10/18/2022

By: Emma Eskildsen

With Halloween and the rest of the holidays fast approaching, now may be a good time to reflect on ways to stay grounded during the hustle and bustle that comes with the holiday season. Although this time of year can be filled with joy and celebration, it can be easy to get swept up in the stress and shame that sometimes creeps into our yearly festivities. Once the costumes come on, we find ourselves rolling straight into holiday dinners, family celebrations, gift exchanges, and even discussions of how to avoid gaining weight during this season.

Every family has different holiday traditions and customs, but it is not uncommon for individuals to feel strained by social and cultural expectations, especially related to family gatherings and diet culture. Although this time of year is meant to be filled with gratitude and generosity, many people find themselves feeling criticized or judged. This is also a time of year when it may become especially hard to maintain boundaries with friends and loved ones.

If you find yourself feeling overloaded with responsibilities and expectations this time of year, it may be helpful to introduce a regular practice of mindfulness alongside your daily to-do list. Journaling about what’s important to you during this season, reaching out to trusted and compassionate loved ones, or taking a walk to step out of a bustling childhood home for a few minutes - these are all ways to ground yourself and take care of your emotional health. As we move towards the end of the year, remind yourself that you deserve compassion and gentleness - from others, and especially from yourself.

Commitment Issues

10/12/2022

By: Camila Argueta

Commitment Issues

Commitment issues can be a challenging and complex problem that can have a significant impact on a person's life. Whether it is difficulty committing to a romantic relationship, a career, or a personal goal, this reluctance to commit can cause a great deal of stress and frustration for both the person experiencing the issue and the people around them.

One of the most common causes of commitment issues is fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, or fear of being hurt can all contribute to a person's reluctance to commit. Past experiences, particularly those that involved being hurt or betrayed, can also make it difficult for a person to trust others or to believe that a commitment will last.

Another factor that can contribute to commitment issues is insecurity. People who lack self-confidence or who have a negative self-image may find it difficult to commit to something because they do not believe they are worthy or capable of success. This can also manifest as an avoidance to taking the responsibility or be held accountable for their own actions or decisions.

However, it's important to note that the person experiencing commitment issues is not the only one who is affected by this problem. Their friends and family, as well as the people they are in relationships with, can also be hurt and frustrated by their inability to commit. It is not uncommon for those close to the person to feel resentful and hurt, especially if they have invested a lot of time and energy into the relationship.

There are ways to address and work through commitment issues. Therapy or counseling can be an effective way to explore the underlying causes of the problem and to develop strategies to help overcome it. A therapist can also help a person to identify and understand their feelings and thoughts associated with commitment, this will allow them to take the right steps to address the problem. Additionally, learning to practice self-care, building self-esteem, and finding a healthy coping mechanisms can also help.

It is important to remember that overcoming commitment issues takes time and effort. There may be setbacks and setbacks along the way, but with the right mindset and the right support, anyone can learn to overcome their fear of commitment and live a fulfilling life.
In conclusion, commitment issues can be a difficult and challenging problem, but with the right mindset, support and professional help if needed, people can work through their fears and build the ability to make lasting commitments. It's important to understand the underlying causes of the problem and to take the necessary steps to address it. Remember to be kind and patient with yourself, change takes time and progress is possible.

Putting Social Media in It’s Place

10/4/2022

By: Mandi Duncan

You have probably heard the phrase “everything in moderation” a couple hundred times
and maybe even used it yourself to bring some balance to your lifestyle. As our society
continues to become more “screen-obsessed,” why is it that this moderation barometer
seems to fade into the distance when it comes to daily social media use?
Social media has been in the hot seat for a number of years; receiving a lot of shame,
criticism, and negativity. What if, instead of counting all aspects of social media as
harmful, we managed our usage in a way where social media is serving us rather than the
other way around. Social media can be a wonderful place of connection but let’s make
sure we are moderating our wellness up against social media regularly.

Physical Wellness vs. Social Media

Often when we think of scrolling social media, I am sure you think of the same picture I do
- someone on a couch, shoulders hunched, neck lowered, tense face, and a speedy
thumb. Typically a user is not walking around, moving their body or focusing on great
posture. The average person in the United States spends around 2 hours and 30 minutes
on social media alone... imagine how much strain this puts on our body as we lower our
neck to read about our pal’s backpacking trip to Costa Rica. With so much pressure on
our spine and shoulders, it is important we stay mindful of the time spent, not only on
social media, but also on screens below our sightline so we do not put our physical
wellness at risk.

Emotional Wellness vs. Social Media

Be intentional. Mindless entertainment is such a gift after a long day, but how often do we
consider that in those moments, our minds are still receiving information? In the morning,
before we take on the stresses of the day, is it helpful to be so intertwined with hundreds
of other people’s lives while still in bed? Or could it be helpful to meditate, read an
inspirational quote, or spend time drinking coffee with a loved one before you scroll?
Being mindful of when we scroll, for how long, and for what purpose might put healthy
boundaries around the right amount of time to spend on social media.

Social Wellness vs. Social Media

Facebook, Instagram and platforms of the like, are a great way to stay connected and
enhance the relationships we choose to keep in our lives. We can not always stay up to
date with every person in our circle, so getting to watch our best friend’s baby take her
first step becomes a moment we feel we were apart of. Apart from the positives, if you
feel that you may have lost social relationships outside of liking a few pictures here-and-
there, try pulling up that person’s contact after seeing a picture and shooting them a text
to bring things to a more personal level - start a longer conversation. Maybe it’s been a
while since you’ve hoped on the phone with that person or met for coffee, could you
pursue that interaction? Humans are hardwired with a need to belong and feel accepted,
pursing this outsider of social media might bring you a deeper sense of connectedness
that you desire.

Turning Towards Your Partner

9/15/2022

By: Emma Eskildsen

Turning towards your partner is a simple but vital way to strengthen the connection and intimacy of your partnership. Looking into your partner’s eyes when they tell you about their day, asking them for their opinion on a tough situation, winking at them from across the room - these are all examples of turning towards your partner.

When two people are dating or in a relationship, their interactions are filled with bids for connection. Being receptive to and responsive to these bids makes our partners feel heard, appreciated, and loved. No one has the capacity to turn towards their partners one hundred percent of the time, and that’s okay! Sometimes we are preoccupied with other thoughts or responsibilities and miss opportunities to turn toward our partner. When there is disconnection or frustration in a relationship, it can be difficult for people to tap into their vulnerability and turn toward each other.

At Playa Vista Counseling, we work with couples to understand their communication styles and habits of interaction. Talking with a therapist can help couples attune to each other more effectively and more often. As a couple becomes more receptive to each other’s bids for affection, they are able to turn towards each other more frequently and foster a more intimate and fulfilling connection. Watching these connections grow is a true privilege that comes with couples therapy work!

Dating Therapy

9/6/2022

by Rachel Thomasian

Dating Therapy in LA, Couple in dating therapy

Dating Therapy in LA

Something that has changed significantly since I started providing therapy more than a decade ago is the kind of couples that enter my office seeking help for their relationship. What we’re seeing more of as therapists are couples who are dating or engaged seeking professional guidance to improve their relationship. What gets me most excited about this shift is providing dating therapy to start a young relationship on the path to success before negative patterns are created and established. Counseling for a dating or engaged couple provides the opportunity to establish healthy habits and behaviors. When providing dating therapy, we can practice positive communication, conflict resolution and emotional attachment that will help a relationship long term. With dating therapy, we’re providing tools, skills and scaffolding to help prevent or work through problems in a healthy way in order to prevent the corrosion that can come from resentment or unhealthy habits.

Another approach our therapy practice takes in helping clients is by providing individual therapy focused on their dating concerns. Our therapists work with people who are struggling to find fulfilling relationships as well as helping those who need guidance in their existing relationships. Dating therapy can be an excellent resource to those seeking support and skills to help make their relationships healthy and successful.

We love working with individuals and couples at every stage of their relationship. If you are curious about dating therapy and would like to learn how a Marriage and Family Therapist can help, please contact us to start a conversation!

The Gift of Grounding

9/1/2022

By: Emma Eskildsen

Whether you’ve just been given another demanding project at work, or your child just spilled something on the carpet, everyone has moments in their day where they would benefit from taking a moment to reconnect with themselves and feel grounded. When someone is grounded, they may feel less tense, more centered, and more balanced in their emotions. Grounding is an excellent tool for when we need to take a step back or take a breath after dealing with something frustrating or stressful.

Grounding can also be a vital practice for working through conflict with your romantic partner or your family. Studies have shown that when couples attempting to resolve a conflict are asked to take a twenty-minute break and read a magazine, they come back together to have a much more productive, empathetic conversation. Although sometimes in our society couples are encouraged to “not go to bed angry” and so on, sometimes it can be beneficial to take some time to cool off and ground yourself to re-enter a discussion with a clear head.

If a situation is particularly distressing, specific grounding techniques can be used to calm our nervous system and center on our breathing. One of these is the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise, where you take deep breaths while counting 5 things around you that you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. Another way to ground yourself is to simply count your breaths, either with box breathing (5 seconds in, 5 second hold, 5 seconds out, 5 second hold) or counting 10 deep breaths and then starting over. However you prefer to do it, deep, intentional breathing helps us to regulate our emotions and indicates to our bodies that we are safe.
Utilizing grounding to work our way through tough conversations and stressful situations becomes more intuitive and natural the more that we practice. Even if we’re coming out of a casual or less hectic day, grounding is a skill that can help us connect to our bodies and our surroundings in a mindful, balanced way.

Ethical Non-Monogamy Relationships

8/24/2022

By: Camila Argueta

ENM Relationships

Ethical non-monogamy, also known as consensual non-monogamy, is a type of relationship in which all parties involved have agreed to engage in multiple sexual and/or romantic relationships at the same time. This can include forms of polyamory, open relationships, and swinging.
One of the key principles of ethical non-monogamy is open and honest communication. All parties involved must be aware of and comfortable with the non-monogamous nature of the relationship. It is also important to establish clear boundaries and agreements, such as rules around safe sex and emotional exclusivity.

Practicing ethical non-monogamy can have many benefits for those involved. It can lead to greater self-awareness, improved communication skills, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships. Additionally, it can provide an opportunity for individuals to explore their sexuality and desires in a safe and consensual environment.

However, it is important to note that ethical non-monogamy is not for everyone. It can be challenging and requires a high level of emotional maturity and trust. It's also important to consider that society still stigmatizes this kind of relationship, it may be difficult to find understanding and support from friends and family.

Overall, ethical non-monogamy can be a fulfilling and empowering choice for those who are interested in exploring it. But, as with any relationship style, it is essential to approach it with open communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to work through any challenges that may arise.

Relationship Anxiety

7/12/2022

By: Rachel Thomasian

Relationship Anxiety

Relationship anxiety is a common experience for many people. It can manifest in a variety of ways, including feeling insecure in the relationship, worrying about the future of the relationship, or feeling like one is not good enough for their partner.

One of the main causes of relationship anxiety is a lack of trust in oneself and in the relationship. This can stem from past experiences, such as past traumas or failed relationships. It can also come from societal messages that can make us feel like we are not good enough or that we need to constantly strive for perfection in our relationships.

To overcome relationship anxiety, it's important to first identify the root causes of the anxiety. This can be done through therapy or self-reflection. It's also important to communicate with your partner about your feelings and work together to build trust and security in the relationship.

Another effective strategy is to practice self-care and self-compassion. This can include activities such as exercise, mindfulness, and spending time with friends and family. These activities can help to reduce stress and improve overall well-being, which can in turn help to reduce relationship anxiety.
It's also important to remember that all relationships have their ups and downs and that it's normal to experience anxiety at times. Instead of trying to eliminate anxiety completely, focus on managing it in a healthy and productive way.

In conclusion, relationship anxiety is a common experience, but it can be overcome with the right tools and mindset. By identifying the root causes, communicating with your partner, practicing self-care and self-compassion, and focusing on managing anxiety in a healthy way, you can improve the overall quality of your relationship.

Couples Therapy

6/14/2022

By: Camila Argueta

Couples Therapy

Couples therapy, also known as relationship counseling or marriage therapy, is a form of therapy that helps couples work through relationship issues and improve their communication and connection with one another. The therapist will work with both partners to help them understand and manage their feelings and behaviors, and to develop strategies for resolving conflicts and improving their relationship.

Couples therapy can be beneficial for a wide range of issues, including communication problems, trust issues, infidelity, financial difficulties, and conflicts over parenting or household responsibilities. It can also be helpful for couples who are experiencing problems related to intimacy or sexual difficulties.
During couples therapy, the therapist will typically use a variety of techniques and approaches, such as active listening, empathy, and constructive feedback, to help the couple understand and express their thoughts and feelings. The therapist may also assign homework exercises and suggest outside readings, that are tailored to the specific needs of the couple.

It's important to note that couples therapy is not a magic bullet and can't fix a relationship on its own. Both partners must be willing to actively participate in therapy, be open to change and to work on the issues that are causing problems in the relationship. Also, it can take time to see progress and it's not always successful, but many couples report improvement in their relationship after participating in couples therapy.

Men's Mental Health Month

6/1/2022

By: Rachel Thomasian

Men's Mental Health

Mental health is an important issue for everyone, but it can be particularly challenging for men. Men are often expected to be strong, stoic, and self-reliant, which can make it difficult for them to seek help when they need it. Unfortunately, this attitude can have serious consequences, as men are more likely to die by suicide than women.
One of the biggest obstacles to men's mental health is the stigma that surrounds it. Many men feel ashamed or embarrassed to admit that they are struggling with their mental health. They may worry that others will see them as weak or that they will be judged. This is particularly true for men who are expected to be providers and protectors, as they may feel that they are not living up to this role if they need help with their mental health.
However, it is important to remember that mental health is just as important as physical health. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes courage to admit that you are struggling and to ask for help.
There are many ways to get help for men's mental health. This can include talking to a therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist. Self-help groups can also be a great way to connect with others who understand what you are going through. There are also many online resources available to help men understand and manage their mental health.
It is also important to remember that mental health is not just about treating mental illness. Mental health also includes taking care of yourself, building healthy relationships, and being mindful of your thoughts and emotions.
In conclusion, Men's Mental Health Month is a great time to raise awareness about the importance of men's mental health and to encourage men to seek help when they need it. Remember that mental health is just as important as physical health and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Let's work together to break the stigma and to support men in their journey towards better mental health.