Blog

By: Ranjita Rao

Have you ever felt manipulated by someone repeatedly? Or maybe, you have a hard time saying “no” to someone in your life because of a fear of rejection and/or abandonment. If this sounds like you, you may struggle with setting healthy boundaries in your life. Boundaries are easier to envision when you think of them like fences around a house. A fence lets everyone know that everything inside of it is private property-- only accessible if invited inside. Personal boundaries can be a little trickier because most of the time, they are not tangible. Personal boundaries consist of both emotional and physical space, and help define which types of interactions, behaviors, and communication are acceptable for you.
Setting healthy boundaries can help build self-esteem, self- respect, and can develop assertive communication. This will not only empower you to make healthy decisions, but will also help you separate your feelings, thoughts and needs from those of others.
 
Here are some tips to help you get started in setting healthier boundaries in your life!
 
Be concise and firm. When setting a boundary, you do not need to justify yourself or apologize for that boundary. Instead, stay calm and be clear, while still holding firm and using as few words as possible to get your point across.
 
Be responsible only for communicating your boundary appropriately. You are only responsible for making sure that your boundary is communicated appropriately. You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction. If you apologize for setting a boundary, you risk sending mixed messages to the other person.
 
Don’t let fear, anxiety, or guilt stand in your way. Many people avoid setting boundaries because of the fear of rejection, abandonment and confrontation. Healthy boundaries not only build your self-esteem and self-respect, but also can reduce your anxiety and empower you to make healthier decisions for yourself.
 
Learn to get in tune with your feelings. If you are feeling angry, frustrated, or resentful, learn how to check in with yourself to figure out why you are feeling that way and what you can do about it. Listen to what you might need, and do it assertively.
 
Distinguish between those who can and cannot respect your boundaries. Not everyone can respect boundaries. While setting healthy boundaries, you learn who will continue to respect them, and who cannot. Eliminate toxic people in your life, especially those who manipulate and abuse your relationship.

By: Ranjita Rao

Do the holidays stress you out?  Do you feel like you have too many obligations?  Are you anxious and overwhelmed this time of year? You are not alone. 
The holidays can be an overwhelming time for many people, especially those who suffer from symptoms of anxiety and depression. While it’s true that the holidays are a time for joy and happiness, for many, they are chalked full of stressors-- financial, personal, relationship, and family issues are often exacerbated during the holidays. Though the holidays are a great time to do for others, it is important to be aware of your own needs and to take care of yourself as well. The best gift you can give to yourself this holiday season is to learn how to manage your stress and anxiety before it strikes. 
Below are some helpful tips to set yourself up for success.
 

1. Learn to be realistic.Be realistic about expectations of others, but most importantly, for yourself.  Take the pressure off of yourself by not taking on too much.  If you have a problematic relationship with your parents, don’t expect to solve it all over a weekend – instead, just aim to make progress, and celebrate the small wins. 
2. Learn to say no.It is perfectly fine to say no. No one expects you to be able to do everything, and if you already feel that you are committing too much of yourself, there is nothing wrong with saying no. 
3. Make a budget. Take away that post-holiday stress by creating a budget early on and sticking to it. Remember that you cannot buy happiness, and that the thought behind a gift goes much further than the gift itself.  You’ll definitely thank yourself for doing so in the new year!
4. Don’t abandon self-care practices. Even if you are extremely busy, there is always time to practice self-care. Remember that if you let yourself become depleted, you will have far less to give others. Make sure that you stick to a routine-- practice your meditation, go to a yoga class, draw a bath for yourself every night, or do something else that you love to assure that you are creating and maintaining a healthy mindset.
5. Reach out. Be kind to yourself and know when you need some extra help. Reach out to family or friends if you’ve got too much going on and need some support. It’s also important to recognize when you may need to reach out to a mental health professional. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we cannot do it all. Reaching out to a doctor or mental health professional is a great way to get extra support, learn coping strategies, and expand your support network. 

By: Eric Kruse

​It has been estimated that humans have anywhere from 30,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day and that up to 80% of these thoughts can be negative. It should be no wonder why so many members of the population struggle with anxiety and depression. It’s impossible to stop ourselves from having negative thoughts, which is why we call them “automatic thoughts,” but we do have control over the thoughts that follow our “automatic thoughts.” 
An effective tool for doing this is to treat our automatic thoughts as guesses. For example, you see people in your office whispering and looking at you and your automatic thought is, “they must be making fun of me.” Instead, try framing that thought as question by altering it to, “Are they making fun of me?” Then follow it with another question, “Are they saying nice things about me? Are they talking about someone or something else and just looking in my general direction?” There are so many conclusions that are positive or neutral that we often miss the chance to consider.
The next step is to write down all the guesses and arrange them into a pie chart. Consider the evidence that supports each guess (i.e., hypothesis) and then assign probability percentage to each guess. For example, the fact that you cannot hear what your colleagues are saying about you and the fact that you don’t know if they are actually looking at you is evidence to support the guess that “they are talking about something or someone else and looking in your general direction” so you can assign I high percentage of the pie chart to that guess. Furthermore, the fact that up to 80% of our daily thoughts can be negative is evidence against the possibility that your colleagues are making fun of you because you now know that statistically there is a high chance that your first automatic thought will be negative. 
Your pie chart can be drawn out by hand our done as a mental image if writing things down is not your thing. The purpose of this exercise is to slow down and consider that your thoughts may not always been accurate, especially when they are tainted by a smoke-colored lens. Treat your thoughts as guesses and make an active effort to follow your negative guesses with neutral and positive guesses. 

​You may have heard of mindfulness meditation—it’s become the hot new trend in meditation practice in recent years. However, what you may not know, is just how beneficial mindfulness can be. While there are many ways to practice mindfulness, the main focus is to bring your awareness into the present, and unconditionally stay in the present no matter what is going on around you.
 
            Mindfulness meditation can be an extremely beneficial way to reduce stress and anxiety as well as to regulate emotions and self- control. While it can benefit many individuals, recent research has shown just how much benefit it can have for peripartum and postpartum women, and their babies.
 
            Pregnancy can oftentimes be a period marked by high anxiety and stress, magnified by a number of factors (hormones, body changes, finances, complications during pregnancy, etc.) Anxiety is extremely common during pregnancy, and pregnant women oftentimes have a constant stream of worries running though their minds, and are completely unable to stop them. By practicing mindfulness meditation, these women can begin to harness their thoughts and learn to gradually tune out their distorted thinking by focusing only on the present moment. This change in thinking helps not only the mom-to-be, but also the unborn baby. When a mom-to-be feels more at ease and calm, this can help aide in the healthy development of the baby, reduce chances for complications during pregnancy (such as high blood-pressure), can prevent premature delivery, and can continue benefiting mom and baby postpartum as well.
 
            This may sound extremely appealing to you, but before going out and signing up for a mindfulness meditation class, yoga, or downloading a mindfulness meditation app, remember that it is called a “practice” for a reason. Likely, during your first try, or even after a few sessions, you may struggle getting your mind and body to focus on the present— this is completely normal. The key is not to give up. Like anything that is truly worth it, mindfulness meditation can take some practice, but if you keep at it, you too can reap all the positive benefits—not only for yourself, but for your baby as well. 

It is remarkable how much of the day we can get through without taking time to stop and pay attention to our breathing. We live in a time where life is so fast paces.  We are in the car, we eat in a rush, we are in and out of meetings all day, on the telephone constantly and in front of our computers or some other screen that is always within arms reach. We seem to always have a long to-do list, and are rushing through the days, wishing we had another few hours. With this face paced lifestyle we have seen a rise in anxiety and in people feeling completely overwhelmed, exhausted, and run down.
 
Often, the anxiety that comes from trying to keep everything straight in our lives seems unmanageable. Our stress levels are high and it is hard to catch a break. With this in mind, it is even more important to understand how connected our minds and bodies are. Rarely do many of us take a minute throughout the day to sit, get away from our devices, and pay attention to our bodies and our breathing. By taking this time to really breathe in and out deeply, we can reregulate ourselves and signal to our brain that we are more relaxed and less anxious. These few moments throughout the day are so beneficial for us, especially when done often and consistently.
 
Not only do our brains need a break with all that goes on throughout the day, but breathing deeply does several great things for our bodies. It turns our parasympathetic nervous system on, signaling that we are calm and relaxed and it allows us to let in more oxygen, leading to improved digestion. Additionally it lowers our blood pressure, relaxes our muscles and calms our nerves. With all these benefits, it seems more than worth it to take those extra five minutes after your lunch break or even on your commute home to relax and pay attention to your breathing. In a world where we are constantly stimulated, let yourself have a few minutes away from the craziness and sit with yourself and your body; the positive impacts are powerful.

​Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash