Blog

By: Eric Kruse

Many people are familiar with Ralph Waldo Emerson’s quote, “Life is a journey, not a destination.” It’s a quote that inspires people to enjoy the present moment and avoid the pitfalls of becoming overly focused on the future. A predominant approach in mental and physical health is mindfulness and meditation, a focus on the here and now. If you spend too much time worrying about the future and not enjoying the present, then you should focus on the journey, not the destination. However, if you feel stuck in the present, then maybe some focus on a destination can bring you some relief.

An Argument to be made for the Destination
Destination focus can be a positive coping mechanism when used it the right way. The following are some examples of healthy destination focus:

• Planning a vacation and looking forward to that vacation as a coping mechanism for stress.
  
• Tolerating uncomfortable emotions knowing that emotions are temporary, and they will eventually pass.
• Looking forward to something at the end of your workday or the end of your workweek to help you tolerate the stress of your job.
• Exposing yourself to anxiety inducing situations in order to reduce future anxiety.
• Pushing yourself through physical exercise knowing that you will feel better once the exercise is over.
  

When Destination Becomes an Unhealthy Focus
The destination becomes an unhealthy focus when you make your happiness contingent on future success. For example, “I will be happy when…” (a) I get a promotion (b) I graduate school (c) I find a partner (d) I lose 10 lbs. If you make your current happiness contingent on future success, then you will miss the opportunity to enjoy the present. The future is an illusion because it has not happened yet. If you are going to focus on the future, it should be about enriching the present. Looking forward to a vacation you have planned is a way of enjoying the present moment because you can derive pleasure from thinking about it in the present.

It is the Journey, but the Destination has its place in the present
Life is the journey, but there are times when the journey is a struggle and reminding ourselves that pleasure, relaxation, and relief is around the corner can help alleviate suffering in the present.  

By: Eric Kruse

Why You Should Avoid Them
&
How They are Damaging Your Relationships

What are Negative Interpretations?
A negative interpretation is when you or someone else (particularly your partner) consistently believes the motives of the other are more negative than they actually are. For example, if your partner forgets to take out the trash and you interpret this behavior as intentionally malicious or selfish on their part. Or if you are late to meet up with someone (maybe traffic was bad or maybe you struggle with compulsively making sure all the doors are locked before you leave) and they interpret your lateness as an intentional choice on your part to disrespect them and they time they have put into scheduling a meetup with you.

Give People You Love the Benefit of the Doubt
Often, there is a rational explanation for why the people you love do the things they do that frustrate you, and usually these reasons are not intentionally malicious or negative. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt goes both ways and there are ample opportunities throughout every interaction to see the perspective of your loved one.

For example, let’s say you are late to meet up with your loved one because your anxiety causes you to compulsively make sure everything in your home was secure before you left. You arrive late and your loved one is frustrated and angry with you. Your loved one makes a negative interpretation of your behavior and says, “you are inconsiderate, selfish, and lazy.”

You notice this triggers an emotional response inside of you that in turn gives rise to your own negative interpretation of your loved one’s verbal criticism. Your think to yourself, “my loved one is an aggressive jerk and is incapable of understanding the struggles of others” (negative interpretation). You now have a choice: (1) to match your loved one’s negative interpretation  with your own negative interpretation (an eye for an eye) or (2) think about a rational explanation for why your loved one is behaving in that way, read in-between the lines of what they are communicating, and validate how they are feeling. Maybe your loved one has past issues with people letting them down and not following through with what they said they would do. Maybe your tardiness has triggered that issue for them. Maybe they need you to understand that about them.

Of course, you also need them to understand that your anxiety contributed to why you were late, that you are not a selfish, inconsiderate, and lazy person. You can communicate that need to them once they calm down and feel validated that you understand them.

Be Mindful of When Negative Interpretations are Entering Your Thoughts
Negative interpretations are pervasive in our society. It’s easier to villainize others for their behavior than it is to understand why they do what they do. It takes extra work and thoughtfulness on your part to come up with rational explanations for why people do things. This is especially important with your significant other, but it extends to relationships with family and friends as well. The more effort you put into understanding why your loved one does what they do, the more empathy you can have for their process, and the more you show them that you understand and accept them for it, the closer your bond will be.

By: Katrin Steinert

There are many hurdles and hardships that the LGBTQ community face. Internalized homophobia is defined as the involuntary belief by gay people that the misconceptions, myths, and stereotypes about being gay are true. Internalized homophobia can be subtle, for example a gay man may act very masculine to hide the fact that they are gay. Another way internalized homophobia may manifest in a LGBTQ person may be discomfort in socializing with others in the community for fear of being “outed.” The idea would be to pass as a straight person to avoid criticism or discomfort they feel for being a part of the community.

The anxiety and shame of not accepting who you are may cause some interpersonal issues. By internalizing the negative stereotypes in the context of intimate relationships one is likely to decrease the quality of satisfaction in relationships. To avoid negative feelings about self, one may avoid deep or intimate relationships. Internalized homophobia can be deep rooted and may take a long time to reverse. With the help of allies and support from all communities there is hope that one day internalized homophobia will a concept of the past.

By: Ranjita Rao

Adolescence is always a confusing time – add in the challenge of navigating new experiences, the modern pressures of social media, and heightened competition for colleges, and it’s no wonder so many teens feel nervous, overwhelmed and anxious. How do you help your teen when you see them struggling with anxiety?
 
Normalize and validate their anxiety. Anxiety is completely normal. Let your child know that everyone experiences anxiety at some point in their life. Also, let them know that their anxiety can be overcome, and that by learning coping skills, they can learn to manage their anxiety in the future as well.  
 
Engage in Mindfulness. Did you know that studies have shown that mindfulness has similar effects on the brain as exercise? Educate your child about the benefits of mindfulness exercises and encourage them to try them out. With apps like Headspace and Insight Timer, it’s easier than ever to get started with mindfulness practice.
 
Avoid pressuring your teen. Your teen needs to be able to go at their own pace. Overcoming anxiety does not happen overnight. Avoid comments such as “just snap out of it already” and questions like “you’re still worried about that?”  Instead, ask your teen how they’re feeling and provide encouraging responses that validate their experiences.
 
Know when to seek help from a mental health professional. If your child is in distress or if their anxiety is keeping them from doing day-to-day activities, it may be time to seek professional help. Professionals can help your teen talk through and process their anxious feelings. By providing coping skills and resources to manage anxiety more effectively, a professional can be a very beneficial for your anxious teen.

By: Eric Kruse

What is impulsiveness?
Impulsiveness is when you do something without any forethought, reflection, or consideration of the consequences. It can be unnecessarily risky and associated with undesirable, rather than desirable, outcomes. Examples of impulsive behavior are excessive spending, substance use, sex, fighting with others, and self-harm.

Emotional states are often the catalyst for impulsive behavior. For example, have you ever said something to someone that you regretted because you were in a bad mood? In that moment you were probably not considering how what you said may impact the other person or how it would impact you once you realized how it impacted the other person. If this is something you struggle with, the following are some steps you can learn to get your impulses under control.

Step 1: Understand how your impulsiveness functions
Everyone’s impulsive behavior is different, which is why it is important for you to understand how your impulsive behavior manifests. You need to uncover the early warning signs, identify the emotions that trigger your impulsive urges, and learn to identify the thoughts and feelings as they are happening in the moment. 

Focus on the thoughts, emotions, urges, and physiological sensations you are experiencing in your body and explore that. Name it in your mind. For instance, “I am noticing a hot sensation across my body, here is the anger that makes me want to criticize my partner” or “I am noticing my heart racing, here is the anxiety that makes me want to drink alcohol.” Writing in a journal and talking it through with a therapist is a great way to gain awareness into this process. Its not easy at first and you may not notice your impulsiveness until after you are impulsive. It’s an ongoing practice.

Step 2: Interrupt the Impulse
Sometimes you can setup conditions that make acting on the impulse harder or you can condition yourself to follow certain steps before you allow your self to act. The following are some examples of impulse interruption:

• If you notice your body is getting hot and that you are feeling angry, you can step away from the situation and write down your thoughts and feelings before you choose to return to the situation and respond.
• If you struggle with alcohol abuse, you can get rid of all the alcohol in your place of residence so that it is not readily available.
• If you struggle with spending impulsively, you can force yourself to wait 48 hours before you make any purchases and run your thoughts about the purchase by a loved one who has better spending habits than you.

Step 3: Challenge Negative thoughts and Take Action
Once you understand how your impulsiveness functions and you implement your impulse interrupters, its time to challenge your negative thoughts and take action. For example, let’s say you notice you are feeling anxious and have you the urge to drink alcohol to self-medicate your anxiety. You labeled the thoughts in your mind by saying, “I am noticing my heart racing, here is the anxiety that makes me want to drink alcohol.” You removed the alcohol from your place of residence, but now you are noticing that you are motivated to go out and buy more. You notice a negative inner dialogue about being a failure and how nothing matters so you should just drink.

It’s time to challenge those negative thoughts by saying, “I am not a failure. Things matter. This anxiety will pass. I am going to tolerate this feeling until it passes. Alcohol will make things worse in the long run, remember the negative consequences it has caused in the past. Temporary relief will be followed by an increase in future suffering.” After you challenge your negative thoughts, its time to take action. Go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Call a friend. Engage in physical exercise. Eat something healthy. Drink a relaxing tea. Take a hot shower or bath. Get creative. 

By: Eric Kruse

Legalization
Right now, 33 states have legalized medical marijuana, while 10 have legalized recreational marijuana. Advocates for legalization believe that legalizing the drug may reduce use and make its use safer. Critics argue that legalization will make marijuana more easily accessible, which will result in increased use, misuse, and abuse.

It’s too early to say whether legalization has resulted in increased marijuana use and research on the topic is inconsistent. The RAND corporation found a correlation between legalization, increased marijuana use, and increased dependence. However, Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health found increased use of marijuana, but lower rates of marijuana dependence.

Marijuana vs Alcohol
              Alcohol has been legal in all 50 states since the end of prohibition in 1933. Effects of alcohol on public health and safety are arguably more dangerous than marijuana. For example, liver damage, fatal care crashes, and anger outbursts that could lead to violent behaviors. Marijuana use is not harmless though. Daily marijuana abuse can increase depression and anxiety.

Marijuana and Depression
              Although marijuana is legal for medicinal purposes in 33 states, this system tends to get abused. Patients are prescribed marijuana for medical conditions that marijuana is not meant to treat, such as depression. Many patients claim that medical marijuana alleviates their depression and those who use it recreationally often use it for mood enhancement.

However, daily abuse of marijuana over time can increase depression. This is because your body builds a tolerance to any substance that you use daily. The stronger your tolerance gets, the less mood enhancement effect you will receive from the drug.

Furthermore, marijuana affects the processing of emotions. Researchers at Colorado State University conducted a 2-year study and found that marijuana users may have a reduced ability to implicitly identify emotions and to empathize on a deeper emotional level. Emotional connection and empathy play a vital role in cultivating meaningful relationships. Marijuana can impair these processes, which could result in increased social isolation. Furthermore, social isolation maintains depression and is a catalyst to increased depression.

Marijuana is a “Manageable” Addiction
              From a harm reduction standpoint, Marijuana is one of, if not the least harmful mind-altering substance one can be addicted to. Due to its less overtly harmful nature, it tends to be more “manageable” when compared to other addictions. For example, alcohol abusers will “blackout” and hurt themselves or others. Marijuana users eat too much food and go to bed. Unfortunately, it is still harmful in its own way. It distorts how we view ourselves, others, and the world around us. It can make us withdraw socially. It can make us feel apathetic, unmotivated, and depressed. Days turn into months, months turn into years, and we end up watching our life pass us by as we sit in a cloud of smoke.

Getting Help
              Marijuana addiction can be different to other substance addictions since it is lower on the totem pole for risky behaviors. Finding a recovery meeting tailored specifically to marijuana, such as Marijuana Anonymous can be beneficial for those who struggle with relating to harder drug addictions (meeting directory: https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/find-a-meeting/).

             If one-to-one support is your method of preference, counseling is a good approach. A therapist can help guide you through the early stages of sobriety.  

By: Ranjita Rao

While stress can be a normal part of life, too much of it can be unhealthy and take a toll on your body. Getting sick often, or feeling sluggish, overwhelmed, dysregulated, can all be signs that you might be stressed out. Start using these easy techniques in your daily routine to stay ahead of your stress!
 
Be present. Check in with yourself and your body. It’s not uncommon to be running on autopilot. Close your eyes a focus on what your body needs. Being mindful can help slow you down and help focus on the ‘here and now’.  
 
Make time for yourself. The days where you think you have no time for yourself are the days you need it the most. Whether it be ten minutes or an hour, make time to do something for yourself every day.
 
Get moving. Physical exercise can be one of the best ways to relieve stress. Figure out what you like to do, whether that be to run, hike, dance, or swim, and get out there and do it. If you can get outdoors—especially in nature, even better!
 
Meditate. Take some time every day to meditate. There are many different apps (Headspace, Calm.com) that can provide different genres of meditations. You do not need to spend an entire half hour meditating—it can actually even be done just a few minutes every day!
 
Remember, even a few minutes of any of these activities can work wonders on your stress level, and the way that you feel.  Take a minute to close your eyes and listen to your favorite song, step out of the office and take a brisk walk outside, do a 5- minute meditation.  When it comes to self-care, any amount is better than none.  Your body and mind will thank you!

By: Ranjita Rao

Have you ever felt manipulated by someone repeatedly? Or maybe, you have a hard time saying “no” to someone in your life because of a fear of rejection and/or abandonment. If this sounds like you, you may struggle with setting healthy boundaries in your life. Boundaries are easier to envision when you think of them like fences around a house. A fence lets everyone know that everything inside of it is private property-- only accessible if invited inside. Personal boundaries can be a little trickier because most of the time, they are not tangible. Personal boundaries consist of both emotional and physical space, and help define which types of interactions, behaviors, and communication are acceptable for you.
Setting healthy boundaries can help build self-esteem, self- respect, and can develop assertive communication. This will not only empower you to make healthy decisions, but will also help you separate your feelings, thoughts and needs from those of others.
 
Here are some tips to help you get started in setting healthier boundaries in your life!
 
Be concise and firm. When setting a boundary, you do not need to justify yourself or apologize for that boundary. Instead, stay calm and be clear, while still holding firm and using as few words as possible to get your point across.
 
Be responsible only for communicating your boundary appropriately. You are only responsible for making sure that your boundary is communicated appropriately. You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction. If you apologize for setting a boundary, you risk sending mixed messages to the other person.
 
Don’t let fear, anxiety, or guilt stand in your way. Many people avoid setting boundaries because of the fear of rejection, abandonment and confrontation. Healthy boundaries not only build your self-esteem and self-respect, but also can reduce your anxiety and empower you to make healthier decisions for yourself.
 
Learn to get in tune with your feelings. If you are feeling angry, frustrated, or resentful, learn how to check in with yourself to figure out why you are feeling that way and what you can do about it. Listen to what you might need, and do it assertively.
 
Distinguish between those who can and cannot respect your boundaries. Not everyone can respect boundaries. While setting healthy boundaries, you learn who will continue to respect them, and who cannot. Eliminate toxic people in your life, especially those who manipulate and abuse your relationship.

By: Ranjita Rao

Do the holidays stress you out?  Do you feel like you have too many obligations?  Are you anxious and overwhelmed this time of year? You are not alone. 
The holidays can be an overwhelming time for many people, especially those who suffer from symptoms of anxiety and depression. While it’s true that the holidays are a time for joy and happiness, for many, they are chalked full of stressors-- financial, personal, relationship, and family issues are often exacerbated during the holidays. Though the holidays are a great time to do for others, it is important to be aware of your own needs and to take care of yourself as well. The best gift you can give to yourself this holiday season is to learn how to manage your stress and anxiety before it strikes. 
Below are some helpful tips to set yourself up for success.
 

1. Learn to be realistic.Be realistic about expectations of others, but most importantly, for yourself.  Take the pressure off of yourself by not taking on too much.  If you have a problematic relationship with your parents, don’t expect to solve it all over a weekend – instead, just aim to make progress, and celebrate the small wins. 
2. Learn to say no.It is perfectly fine to say no. No one expects you to be able to do everything, and if you already feel that you are committing too much of yourself, there is nothing wrong with saying no. 
3. Make a budget. Take away that post-holiday stress by creating a budget early on and sticking to it. Remember that you cannot buy happiness, and that the thought behind a gift goes much further than the gift itself.  You’ll definitely thank yourself for doing so in the new year!
4. Don’t abandon self-care practices. Even if you are extremely busy, there is always time to practice self-care. Remember that if you let yourself become depleted, you will have far less to give others. Make sure that you stick to a routine-- practice your meditation, go to a yoga class, draw a bath for yourself every night, or do something else that you love to assure that you are creating and maintaining a healthy mindset.
5. Reach out. Be kind to yourself and know when you need some extra help. Reach out to family or friends if you’ve got too much going on and need some support. It’s also important to recognize when you may need to reach out to a mental health professional. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we cannot do it all. Reaching out to a doctor or mental health professional is a great way to get extra support, learn coping strategies, and expand your support network. 

By: Eric Kruse

​It has been estimated that humans have anywhere from 30,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day and that up to 80% of these thoughts can be negative. It should be no wonder why so many members of the population struggle with anxiety and depression. It’s impossible to stop ourselves from having negative thoughts, which is why we call them “automatic thoughts,” but we do have control over the thoughts that follow our “automatic thoughts.” 
An effective tool for doing this is to treat our automatic thoughts as guesses. For example, you see people in your office whispering and looking at you and your automatic thought is, “they must be making fun of me.” Instead, try framing that thought as question by altering it to, “Are they making fun of me?” Then follow it with another question, “Are they saying nice things about me? Are they talking about someone or something else and just looking in my general direction?” There are so many conclusions that are positive or neutral that we often miss the chance to consider.
The next step is to write down all the guesses and arrange them into a pie chart. Consider the evidence that supports each guess (i.e., hypothesis) and then assign probability percentage to each guess. For example, the fact that you cannot hear what your colleagues are saying about you and the fact that you don’t know if they are actually looking at you is evidence to support the guess that “they are talking about something or someone else and looking in your general direction” so you can assign I high percentage of the pie chart to that guess. Furthermore, the fact that up to 80% of our daily thoughts can be negative is evidence against the possibility that your colleagues are making fun of you because you now know that statistically there is a high chance that your first automatic thought will be negative. 
Your pie chart can be drawn out by hand our done as a mental image if writing things down is not your thing. The purpose of this exercise is to slow down and consider that your thoughts may not always been accurate, especially when they are tainted by a smoke-colored lens. Treat your thoughts as guesses and make an active effort to follow your negative guesses with neutral and positive guesses.