Blog

By: Katrin Steinert

DBT stands for Dialectal Behavior Therapy and was created in the 1990s by Marsha Linehan. Linehan was inspired to create DBT after she worked with chronically suicidal and borderline personality disordered patients. She recognized that having a one-way conversation with patients who suffer from chronic mental illnesses was not working.
 
In creating DBT she took principles from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and interjected eastern philosophies to her approach. DBT is comprised of four modules which include mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, emotional regulation, and distress tolerance. Each module is then broken down into easy applicable skills to help clients regulate their emotions. By creating these modules, Linehan hoped to create tools for clients who were suffering from lack of confidence and unable to think positively through their treatment.
 
In creating the dialect of acceptance and change, Linehan hoped to create enough space for the patients to see that their situations were not always hopeless and there was a life worth living. Today, DBT is not only effective with patients who suffer from borderline personality disorder but for an array of diagnoses. 

By Rachel Thomasian
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For over a decade, I have been helping children overcome worry, anxiety and fears. When my son developed his own fear of “a green guy in his room at night” I knew I had to arm him with the arsenal I had created over the years.
 
The first thing I want parents to know about bedtime anxiety in preschool-aged children is that some degree of it is completely normal and, in fact, developmentally appropriate. At this age, children’s imaginations are running wild. We encourage this behavior by asking them to play pretend and reading them fairytales because we’re working to foster their creative, cognitive, problem-solving and social skills. When we couple that with the development of an increased sense of danger around this age, children naturally start thinking about the possibility of bad guys and monsters. Additionally, at this age, children are taking greater leaps away from their parents. As they enter preschool or naturally engage in more independent activities, they may start to realize how big and scary the world might be and how vulnerable the world is. All of this can combine into the perfect storm of bedtime worry.
 
As a mom, I can understand the need to protect our children and the discomfort we feel when our children experience any kind of discomfort or pain. As a therapist, I know the importance of adversity and the growth and strength that come from working through a problem. So this issue of bedtime worry often becomes one of the first encounters of a problem a child has that their parents cannot simply solve for them, but instead can help the child learn ways to cope with the problem.  We can’t make the monsters go away, we have to teach our children ways to protect themselves from the monsters.
 
I’m going to start with what not to do: Don’t tell your child that they’re big brave kid who shouldn’t be worried. All this does is give them another thing to worry about, the fact that they are not as brave as you think they are.
 
The second thing you should not say is: “Monsters aren’t real”. The same strong imagination that allows your kid to believe in Santa or Mickey Mouse as a real entity is the same mechanism in play that makes monsters very real to your child. You have to get on their level if you’re going to start to help. By validating their fears “I know that must feel so scary” you can make a connection that will help your child feel less alone and more able to trust that you can help.
 
So now we start with what is helpful to a child in this developmental stage, and that is the same thing that created the problem in the first place: their imagination. I like to help kids imagine a superhero that will protect them from the green guy, we’ll draw it and talk about their super powers, and now the superhero becomes just as powerful as the monster in their world view. Another protective tactic is to line up stuffed animals as a line of defense. I always arm these children with “no monster spray” (a spray bottle with some magic water). We talk about how spraying this magic potion while we say “go away monster” makes it impossible for a monster to enter our room.
 
I like to share some of my favorite books about the topic with kids experiencing night time worry. These are a combination of stories to help a child feel not alone in their experience as well as books that teach simple yet effective coping skills. Links to some of my favorites are below. 
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Typically, it takes a few nights to a few weeks of practicing these rituals to create such a sense of safety that a child will no longer be bothered by their bedtime fears, so much so that not only do they no longer need the ritual but they forget about the fear altogether. When this anxiety persists or consumes a lot of your child’s day, a great child therapist can be really helpful in working through this problem in a safe and efficient way through play therapy, usually on a short term basis.  

Please note these are affiliate links and PVC will receive a small commission from your purchase at no additional cost to you. 

Book Review by Eric Kruse

​Recently I was fortunate enough to receive a complimentary copy of Addicted to the Monkey Mindby J.F. Benoist. It was sent to our office, so I decided to start reading it since someone was kind enough to take the time to send me a copy. I must admit that although I use cognitive behavioral therapy techniques in my practice, and I am very familiar with the inner critic that we all have, I have never heard it referred to as the monkey mind.  I did some research and discovered that “monkey mind” is a Buddhist term that refers to being unsettled, restless, or confused. Perhaps the content of this book could help me, or my clients battle their inner critic.
The book highlights two different states of mind: the “monkey mind” and the “observing mind.”  The monkey mind is the inner critic that spirals your emotions out of control, invokes erratic thoughts, and creates anxiety. The “observing mind” offers an objective perspective free of judgments. 
The book uses characters and stories to illustrate how the “monkey mind” and the “observing mind” play out in our lives. Early on, the book tells the story of Elizabeth, a woman with a drinking problem who is dissatisfied in her marriage because her husband is consumed by his work.  She consults with two of her friends for support. One friend, Paula, embodies the essence of the “monkey mind” and the other, Sarah, embodies the essence of the “observing mind.”
Paula (monkey mind) tells Elizabeth that her husband is probably cheating on her with his secretary at the office, which is a judgmental conclusion based on anxious doubts. On the other hand, Sarah (observing mind) asks Elizabeth for more details, such as who, what, why, where, and when. Sarah points out that it is a huge leap to go from “he works too much” to “he is having an affair.” As can be expected, Elizabeth feels more anxious and emotional after speaking with Paula (monkey mind) and calmer and more relaxed after speaking with Sarah (observing mind). 
This is just one example of the many stories that are captured in this book.  J.F. Benoist does a great job of showing how we develop our monkey mind from not just our families, but from growing up in a “shame-based society.”  Benoist claims that the more we use our “observing mind” the less anxious we will feel in our day-to-day lives.  I don’t know about you, but the thought of having less anxiety in my life sounds like a welcomed outcome. I found the characters and stories in this book to be relatable and I was able to see how I can make more use of the “observing mind” in my own life. 

By: Eric Kruse

​Dialectical Behavioral Therapy uses a concept called “The Wise Mind.” The Wise Mind is where your emotions and your intellect come together to create a balanced perspective.
The Emotional Mind
Emotions are beneficial because they help us feel things. We cry when we are sad. We smile when se are happy. It provides opportunities for us to cultivate relationships with others because others can relate to our emotional responses. Emotions are the catalyst for empathy and empathy is greatest tool in developing deep emotional bonds with others. 
The Reasonable Mind
Intellect helps us solve problems and think about the world around using knowledge and information. We use it to cook or meals, fix our cars, drive technological advancements, study medicine, and to write blog articles such as this one.
Knowing when to use each state of mind
Being overly emotional or overly intellectual at the wrong time can cause problems. For example, sometimes people in your life want you to empathize with their situation when they are struggling rather than trying to “fix it” with intellectual problem solving. Sometimes, it’s better to keep your emotions under control, such as when you make a mistake at work and you start to feel defensive. You don’t want to act impulsively. 
The Wise Mind – Finding balance
The Wise Mind strikes a healthy balance between intellect and emotions. It allows you to understand others by reading their emotional cues and allows you to process what you want to say and how you want to proceed without impulsively acting on your emotions.
 
The following website link shows a Venn Diagram of The Wise Mind, The Emotional Mind, and The Reasonable (intellectual) Mind:
https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/wise-mind.pdf
The bottom of the sheet asks you to list an example of an experience that you have had with each of the three states of mind. I encourage you to apply the knowledge from this by describing your own experience with each state of mind so that you can be more aware of when you are using each state of mind.

By: Eric Kruse

"Great stories happen to those who can tell them." --Ira Glass

“Storytelling is the most powerful way to put ideas into the world today” – Robert McKee
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What is Narrative Therapy?
Narrative therapy is a medium for self-reflection and growth through stories or narratives (hence the name). The general idea is to change your perspective on your life by the way you tell your story. Every event that happens can be told from a positive, negative, or neutral lens. For example, let’s say you are suffering from depression. What is the story you are telling yourself about your depression? Are you telling yourself that there is something wrong with you and that you will feel depressed for the rest of your life? How does that story make you feel? Typing that out made me feel hopeless and sad. This is how the stories we tell ourselves about our life impact how we feel. 
Externalizing our Problem
What if I told myself a different story about my depression? What if my depression was not a part of me, but instead an evil entity that dwells inside me. I can even give it a name, such as The Dark Voyager. Sometimes The Dark Voyageris not inside me. Those are my good days. Whether The Dark Voyageris with me today or not, there is definitely nothing wrong with me. If anything, I am strong person for endearing The Dark Voyager’s poison. This is strength-based narrative that allows me to feel proud of my level of resilience to the depression I am facing. 
Life Stories
The story that you tell about your life does not have to be clever. You are not trying to win a creative writing contest. You don’t need characters, such as The Dark Voyager. You can start with a very simple template, such as “my past, my present, my future.” Here is a link to a free template online:
https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/life-story.pdf
Everyone has a story so don’t tell yourself that you don’t. If you tell yourself that your story is dull and boring, then you are formulating a negative narrative, which once again, will make you feel sad about your life. Regardless of how much you believe your life is mediocre and not worth telling a story about, the truth is, it’s not! We have all had formative experiences that have shaped us into the people we are today and those experiences are worth sharing and talking about from a strength-based perspective. 

By: Eric Kruse

Picking your career path can be an overwhelming. Many people have no idea what they want to do or how to start figuring it out. Fortunately, there are free assessments online that can help you organize your thoughts:
 
16Personalities (based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator)
https://www.16personalities.com/
16Personalities is a simplified version of the Myers-Briggs personality assessment. It measures personality traits across 4 spectrums: (1) Introverted/Extroverted; (2) Intuitive/Observant (aka Sensing); (3) Thinking/Feeling; and (4) Judging/Prospecting (aka Perceiving). Taking this free online assessment is a good place to get started thinking about what type of jobs would fit your personality type. It can also be helpful for understanding how you interact with others and the world around you. If you are an Extroverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiving (ENTP) individual, then you may not be suited for positions that require observant, detail oriented, and organizational tasks. 16personalities does a great job at explaining the personality trait scales and how to interpret your results.
 
Holland Code Career Test (based on psychologist John Holland’s RIASEC model of career choice)
https://www.truity.com/test/holland-code-career-test
Psychologist John Holland’s RIASEC model of career choice assesses people’s interests so they can be matched with appropriate careers. The six areas are: (1) Realistic (Building); (2) Investigative (Thinking); (3) Artistic (Creating); (4) Social (Helping); (5) Enterprising (Persuading); (6) Conventional (Organizing). The Holland Code Career test online is a simplified version of Holland’s original assessment. Combining the result of this assessment with your 16personalities assessment is an adequate starting place for homing in on your career path.
 
More Assessments
If you are the type of person who likes more assessments, then the following link has 8 more awesome free career self-assessment tools on the internet:
https://www.monster.com/career-advice/article/best-free-career-assessment-tools
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​I have always been a foodie. When I think back on positive memories with those I love, food is often involved. Whether it be a family reunion, trying a new restaurant or cooking food in the kitchen- food has always been around me and has always been something that has brought me joy. In addition to loving to try new foods, it is something I often turn to when I'm not just happy, but also when I am sad, anxious, lonely or worried. When I was in high school and college, no matter what I ate, my weight did not change much, so this habit did not set off a red flag for me. However, as I reached grad school, was working 3 jobs and had just moved across the country, I noticed how what I was eating was really starting to effect not only the way my body looked, but how I felt emotionally as well. 
 
 
I was always turning to food to help me feel better, and it was often bad foods or “comfort foods” as my dad has always called them. Foods like chocolate, PBJs, pizza, ice cream or an excess of coffee. For the first time, I saw my self gaining weight and not being able to lose it as I used to. Not only that, but eating these foods made me more jittery, stressed, lethargic and crave more sugar. My anxiety was at an all time high, I was more tired, lazy and my body felt like it was dragging. I began to read lots of books about all kinds of different diets, ways to live healthier and about digestion in general. There is so much information about food out there, but one theme that kept coming up was how eating well can really positively impact your mental well being. 
 
Science shows us how connected our brains and bodies are. When we are eating foods that give us energy, promote digestion and are high in nutrients, we physically feel better, and our minds closely follow. Having a healthy, balanced diet can actually be a protective factor against mental health issues like depression and anxiety. Being able to tune in and pay attention to how you feel when you eat certain foods can be a helpful tool to utilize, especially if you are feeling symptoms of depression and anxiety or are experiencing high stress in your life. Everybody’s bodies are so different, but when it comes down to it- food fuels us all. It is so important to choose the highest quality fuel for your body. 
 
 
Some books I recommend…
“Nourishing Wisdom” by Marc David
“Your Brain on Food” by Gary Wenk
“Good Clean Food” by Lily Kunin

​The early stages of addiction recovery are the most challenging, which is why recovery meetings make welcoming newcomers their highest priority. If you are on your first day or week of sobriety, then it is important that you understand that you cannot trust your thoughts. Your thoughts will be heavily influenced by your desire to use. You will not be able to control these thoughts. They will creep into your mind like an invading force with a mission to trick you into using again. Thoughts such as, I can get sober tomorrow, or I can learn to moderate my use because I am a strong person is your addicted brain’s way of convincing you to keep using. Since we have been vulnerable to these thoughts in the past, and we have been vulnerable or else we would not have continued using to the point where it has become unmanageable, we must seek out help from others. We may not be able to control these thoughts, but we still have some control over our behavior. We can get up and go to a meeting.
The addict who is still addicted is working against a powerful force and the odds are against them. Continuing to use is not a choice. It is an unconscious reflex. It is response to a powerful force with little conscious thought. However, addicts can choose to go to a recovery meeting. They can choose to verbalize these addicted thoughts to peers at the meeting. They can choose to place their trust in the hands of others around them until they are able to trust their own thoughts again. This is not an easy thing to do and it requires an act of courage, which, once again, is why newcomers are the highest priority in recovery meetings.
The true power of a recovery meeting is the community and having a support network. There are various meeting types with different approaches to recovery. However, I am a true believer that the content of the approach is not the true mechanism of change. I believe the mechanism of change is having a support network; having a place to go and talk with people who are struggling with the same problem as you.  I encourage you to try different meetings until you find the right community for you.
12-Step Programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous
12-step meetings, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, etc. (they have everything anonymous these days) are the traditional approach to recovery. The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous was first published in 1939 by Bill W. and Dr. Bob. It’s an old book with a somewhat dated way of looking at sobriety. Many individuals who walk in to 12-step meetings will find plenty of things to not like about this book if they are seeking it. It’s easy for one to get hung up on specific passages in the book and seek flaws in their rhetoric. Addicts are great debaters, arguers, and contrarians. They became masters of this craft by arguing with themselves and others about why drugs and alcohol are not a problem.
However, as I stated above, the content of the approach is not the true mechanism of change. The true mechanism of change is having a support network. Find an AA meeting with people you relate to and build a support network. Find a sponsor at these meeting that can reframe the 12-steps into a more progressive and flexible process. There are plenty of individuals who are great at doing this. They channeled their contrarian skillset into discovering the positive and relatable aspects of the program. You can do the same. There are many universal truths about addiction that Bill W. identified. Also, you don’t have to be an alcoholic to attend AA. They welcome all addicts.
AA Meeting Directory: https://lacoaa.org/find-a-meeting/
Refuge Recovery
Refuge Recovery is a mindfulness-based addiction recovery program. It is non-12-step based. I believe they start off most meetings with a 20-minute guided meditation; at least that is how the meeting I attended was conducted. After the meditation you sit in a circle and discuss what came up for you during the meditation. You are also free to discuss anything else you need support around. You don’t have to enjoy meditation to get something out of these meetings. I dislike meditating, but I found it helpful to take 20 minutes to reflect on the current state of my life. The people at the meeting were kind and I found their presence to be relaxing.
Refuge Recovery Meeting Directory: http://www.refugerecovery.org/meetings-in/
SMART Recovery (Self Management and Recovery Training)
            SMART recovery is a scientifically based approach that uses non-confrontational motivational, behavioral and cognitive methods. I have not attended one of these meetings myself, but they sound very interesting. It appears that they have taken evidenced based therapy practices, such as motivational interviewing and cognitive behavioral therapy, and implemented it into a free recovery support group, which is fascinating. I intend to attend one of these meetings in the near future to check it out. If you are looking for a different approach to recovery, then I suggest you do the same.
SMART Recovery Meeting Directory: https://www.smartrecovery.org/local/
                  Any meeting with a community of individuals you can relate with will be of great help to you. Attending a meeting for the first time can be an anxiety provoking experience. If you feel anxious walking into one of these meetings, please know that this is a normal response. However, this is your typical social event. This is place where you can go to talk about you insecurities and reach out for help. People will support you if you let them.

​Anger Management and Healthy Relationships

Anger can be a good thing. Anger can be the energy to move, the energy to make changes, an internal voice or cue that action must be taken. If we are able to use our anger in productive ways, it can become an extremely valuable tool in getting our needs met and interacting effectively with the world and in our relationships.  

However, if anger is expressed in harmful ways such as bottling it up or becoming verbally or physical aggressive, this is a cue that we may need to learn some skills and tools to manage this valuable emotion more effectively. 

Through learning communication tools, stress management, gaining an understanding of emotional intelligence and empathy, and many more topics, you can learn and practice new skills to transform your anger experience from unhealthy to productive.  

Join me for Anger Management Group every Saturday at noon where we will work together consistently and support each other as we learn and practice new tools to manage our anger. 

ANGER MANAGEMENT GROUP: SATURDAYS at 12 PM.  

Call, text, or email today to sign up 310-721-7338, rebcwhite@gmail.com 

Becky White, M.A., Marriage and Family Therapist Registered Intern #75135