Blog

By Katrin Steinert

 ​Death is apart of life. It is also one of the most painful, agonizing and difficult experiences that a person can go through. Most of us are familiar with the five stages of grief, which are: 

1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining 
4. Depression
5. Acceptance 

 
The stages are meant to be gone through one after the other with little flexibility in revisiting stages. J William Worden disagreed with the fives stages and created his own idea of how grief is experienced. He proposed the Four Tasks of Grief model. The model is meant to flexible and allows mourners to tailor each stage to their own experience versus having to fit their grief into pre-determined stages. The tasks are as followed: 
 
Task 1: To Accept the Reality of a Loss
            During task one the mourner is faced with the death to the point where it almost might not feel real. It may not hit the mourner how deep the death can affect their lives. What will holidays look like? Who will I call when I need support? During this task some ways to help accept the death are by completing rituals including funeral planning or creating a way to honor the life of the loved one. 
 
Task 2: Process Grief and Pain
            The second task is all about feeling whatever comes up for the mourner. That can include anger, sadness, relief, and exhaustion to name a few. The spectrum of feelings will be large and vast. The most important part of task two is to remember that the mourner must express these feelings and not avoid them. To acknowledge how grief is felt and be open about the feelings will help to work through the complex feelings. 
 
Task 3: Adjust to the World Without Your Loved One
            With the death of a loved one many holes will be left. Some of the holes are internal and others are external. If a parent has died, it will require adjustments to parental support and roles in families. The adjustment to the new reality is emotional and can require a lot of time. To help work through this task, it will require awareness of the impact of that the death had and how to create a new life without that person in it. 
 
Task 4: To Find a Connection with the Deceased While embarking on a New Journey
            Task 4 is about creating a way to remain emotionally connected to the person who has died. There are many ways to achieve the connection by remembering the person who died, finding a physical memorial connection or rituals such as visiting their gravesite. 
 
Death is permanent and painful. It is important to practice self-care in the time of grief and maintain relationships that bring you joy. 

By: Valentina Setteducate

​I think we can all agree that breakups can be some of the most painful experiences we go through in adulthood. Whether a breakup comes as a surprise, has been long overdue, or ends mutually, feelings are often hurt, tangled, and complicated. Whenever I sit down with a client who is in the midst of going through a breakup, I almost always hear “how long do you think it will take until I get over this?” I always wish I had a better answer to this question. 
 
Whether or not you are the initiator or “victim” of a breakup, it’s no doubt that it is very painful on either side. Being hurt by the one you love or hurting the one you love is never an easy thing to do or to go through. Often there is a feeling of stuck-ness on how to move forward and on from the relationship. Every relationship is unique and comes with its own feelings and complications, but self-care is always so imperative for anyone going through the loss of a relationship. Being able to reflect on what helps you to relax and unplug is crucial. It could be a walk around the block, a workout class, drinks with a friend, or time spent in nature. There will be times where you are overwhelmed with emotion and needing a positive outlet, and having some go-to’s in your bag can be helpful during these times. 
 
Another thing I always recommend to clients is journaling their thoughts and feelings that come up. Aside from therapy being a wonderful place to process all that goes on for us when we lose or end a relationship, being able to get out of our head and onto paper can be another outlet to helping us further sort through what’s going on for us. Another word to the wise: you will probably get bombarded with all kinds of advice from friends, family members, co-workers, etc. It’s great to have people in your life to talk to about how you’re feeling, but remember that anyone can give advice, but you are the one that has to handle the consequences of taking or not taking that advice. All of our friends want us to feel better and heal, but don’t feel guilty about still experiencing feelings of wanting to be with the other person, or needing a generous amount of time to heal. Everyone moves at their own pace, and being patient with yourself can be tough. 
 
In the era we live in with technology and social media, breakups are even tougher when we can have access to what the other person is doing or who they are hanging out with. Our brain often sees a photo and fills in the blank with the worst possible assumption. Any break and time away from social media can always be helpful and healing. Being able to put down the phone and unplug for a bit can be the difference between a night filled with assumptions and tears, versus a night full of self care and time spent reflecting on how we are feeling and how we want to move forward. Whatever the circumstance, therapy can be a validating and private space to explore and uncover the things we may not be able to say to others in our life.

By: Eric Kruse 

​We experience grief when we lose a valued entity in our life. This can be a human or an animal; or it can even be the end of a relationship, such as a breakup. There are five stages to grief: (1) Denial and Isolation (2) Anger (3) Bargaining (4) Depression (5) Acceptance. We do not always go through all the stages in the same order nor do we experience all the stages. 
 
Grief a tremendously painful experience. There are many things our environment that will remind of us what we have lost. The more meaningful the loss, the more often it will get triggered. It is important to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes to you because burying the emotions will only prolong the process of healing.
 
However, grieving with these intense emotional sensations takes its toll on our bodies. It is exhausting. Therefore, we need to find some relief from our suffering. Some people choose to take time off work. Others choose to continue working to distract themselves from the pain. Some distraction can be helpful if it is not self-destructive, such as engaging in excessive alcohol consumption to numb the pain. 
 
During the grieving process, it is more important than ever to take care of ourselves physically due the stress our body is experiencing. This is especially important for the people stuck in the depression stage. If we do not take care of ourselves physically or worse, engage in self-destructive habits, then we prolong the healing process, which increases the duration of the suffering. 
 
Just because you are grieving does not mean that you are not allowed to have fun when the opportunity arises. If you find that you are enjoying your day after experiencing a heavy loss, it is important to not feel guilty. You are not betraying the loss in your life by finding pleasure in your day. We can process the pain and find relief from the pain while going through the grieving process. If you are experiencing grief, I hope that you allow yourself some alleviation from the pain throughout the process. It can be an important part of the healing. Just remember that alleviation from the pain should not be self-destructive.