Blog

By: Katrin Steinert

By: Eric Kruse

Many people are familiar with Ralph Waldo Emerson’s quote, “Life is a journey, not a destination.” It’s a quote that inspires people to enjoy the present moment and avoid the pitfalls of becoming overly focused on the future. A predominant approach in mental and physical health is mindfulness and meditation, a focus on the here and now. If you spend too much time worrying about the future and not enjoying the present, then you should focus on the journey, not the destination. However, if you feel stuck in the present, then maybe some focus on a destination can bring you some relief.

An Argument to be made for the Destination
Destination focus can be a positive coping mechanism when used it the right way. The following are some examples of healthy destination focus:

• Planning a vacation and looking forward to that vacation as a coping mechanism for stress.
  
• Tolerating uncomfortable emotions knowing that emotions are temporary, and they will eventually pass.
• Looking forward to something at the end of your workday or the end of your workweek to help you tolerate the stress of your job.
• Exposing yourself to anxiety inducing situations in order to reduce future anxiety.
• Pushing yourself through physical exercise knowing that you will feel better once the exercise is over.
  

When Destination Becomes an Unhealthy Focus
The destination becomes an unhealthy focus when you make your happiness contingent on future success. For example, “I will be happy when…” (a) I get a promotion (b) I graduate school (c) I find a partner (d) I lose 10 lbs. If you make your current happiness contingent on future success, then you will miss the opportunity to enjoy the present. The future is an illusion because it has not happened yet. If you are going to focus on the future, it should be about enriching the present. Looking forward to a vacation you have planned is a way of enjoying the present moment because you can derive pleasure from thinking about it in the present.

It is the Journey, but the Destination has its place in the present
Life is the journey, but there are times when the journey is a struggle and reminding ourselves that pleasure, relaxation, and relief is around the corner can help alleviate suffering in the present.  

By: Eric Kruse

What are Control Fallacies?
Control Fallacies are when you have a false belief about having too much control over things that are out of your control or when you believe that you have no control over anything in your life.  There are two types of control fallacies: (1) the belief that you have no control over your life and that you are a helpless victim of fate, and (2) that you have complete control over yourself, your surroundings, and the feelings of others.

The World is Against Me
The no control fallacy can lead to feelings of helplessness and low motivation. If you feel like the world is against you and there is nothing you can do about it, then you may be falling into the no control fallacy trap. Even in extreme situations where you may have no choices, you still have a certain amount of control over how you approach the situation mentally.

Everything is My Fault
The complete control fallacy can lead to feelings of anger, frustration, disappointment, and shame. The more you try to control things that are out of your control, the more frustrated and disappointed you will be. If you frequently blame yourself for how others are feelings, then you may be falling into the complete control fallacy trap.

How to Release Yourself from the Control Fallacy Trap
The first step to releasing yourself from the control fallacy trap is to identify which of the two traps you are stuck in. Do you feel like the world is against you or do you blame yourself for the emotions of others?

Empower Yourself by Taking Back Some Control (no control counter)
If you are stuck in the no control fallacy trap, it can be empowering to discover that you have more control than you think you do. For example, in states where euthanasia is legal, patients with terminal illness report that being able to choose when and how they die gives them a sense of control over the final stage of their life. If you are stuck in a job that you don’t like and you can’t afford to leave, there may be other areas of your life that you can tweak to improve self-care. At the very least you can reframe some of your negative thoughts into more self-compassionate thoughts.

Find Relief by Letting Go (complete control counter)
If you are stuck in the complete control fallacy trap, it’s relieving to discover that you are not responsible for the emotions of others. Yes, what you do and what you say does impact others. It’s commendable to take responsibility for that. If you are in the complete control fallacy trap, then you are taking too much responsibility for things that are out of your control. Let others be responsible for themselves. Stop blaming yourself for things that are not your fault. Stop trying to change things that you cannot change. If you are struggling with identifying what is in your control vs not in your control, it can be helpful to get feedback from others. As the saying goes: “Two heads are better than one.”

By: Ranjita Rao

How many times have you been overwhelmed with a million different things going on at once? And in these scenarios, how many times have you actually asked others for help?
 
This situation most likely happens more than you would like to admit. I hear all the time from individuals how much they would like to ask for help and yet how hard it is for them to actually do it. Maybe it’s because you are worried about being a burden, maybe you see it as a sign of weakness, or maybe it’s simply because you struggle with how to ask for help. Here are some tips to make asking for help much easier!

1. Take a pause and reflect. If someone offers to help, they most likely are genuinely offering. Before automatically saying no, take a pause, check in, and ask yourself if you will benefit from their help. Before saying yes, think about specific way(s) that they will be able to help you so that you can let them know.
2. Make a list. Create a list of everything you need to have done. Writing down a list can not only help you clearly see everything that needs to get done, but can also be a way for you to assign and delegate tasks to others.
3. Be direct. Once you have assigned a task, call or talk to that person and be very direct with what you need. Even if that person cannot help this time around, do not be discouraged.
4. Practice, practice, practice! Learning to ask for help is a new muscle that you will be building, so allow yourself some time to keep practicing. Not only will you benefit from this, but your friends and family who are eager to help you will also be happy that you are finally taking them up on their offers!

By: Katrin Steinert

Most of us spend more than half of our lives working. There is a lot of pressure to find the right career path, to become successful and create our perfect working environment. With all these pressures can create a pressure cooker of balancing the perfect job with the perfect after work life. Here are three tips on how to reduce burn out when you are feeling overwhelmed at work.
 

1. Reflect on what is stressing you out most at work: When getting caught up in your work load, it can be hard to recognize what the actual stressors are. Review the stressors with your superiors to create a plan to make them more manageable. 
2. Stick to what is in your job description: It is easy to take on extra work when trying to establish yourself in your career. However, there is room to say no in order to maintain your sanity. By reviewing your workload, cut out any extra tasks that you are not responsible for. 
3. Boundaries: In today's world it is easy to bring work home with us. We all have access to our emails, calls and texts 24/7. By consciously creating boundaries between work and home will reduce burn out by giving you a breather. By not being connected at all times, it will create space to decompress. 
   

By: Ranjita Rao

Breathing. We do it all day, every day, and have done so since we first entered this world.  Take a deep breath—pause—and exhale.  As you drew your breath in, you supplied much needed oxygen to your body and organs, and as you pushed it out, you removed waste products and toxins from within.  In fact, around 70% of our toxins are released from our body through our breath. Yet breathing is something that we hardly ever think twice about.
 
The connection between breath and our mind runs even deeper. Have you ever noticed that when you are anxious or upset, your breath becomes short and quick?  By taking a deep breath, you actually cause your heart rate to slow down, creating feelings of calmness and relaxation.
 
Paying attention to your breathing can help you tap into your emotions and gain an understanding about your triggers.  Pay particular attention to signs of “bad” breathing such as:

• Taking quick, shallow breaths
• Holding your breath at times
• Constantly feeling a need to take a deep breath
• Feeling like you have run out of breath

 
When you feel yourself doing any of these things, pause, slow down, and take a few deep breaths.  Pay attention to how you feel and remember it the next time you notice yourself exhibiting patterns of “bad” breathing.
 
Practicing deep breathing can have several beneficial effects including:

• Increasing energy
  
• Improving the respiratory system by releasing tension in the diaphragm
  
• Activating the parasympathetic nervous system to help bring you into a relaxed state
  
• Strengthening the lymphatic system
  
• Releasing muscle tension
  
• Improving the cardiovascular system
  
• Elevating the digestive system
  

By: Ranjita Rao

I hear so many people tell me about their lack of quality sleep nowadays. Whether it be stress, anxiety, or too much time sitting in front of a computer screen, there are many different factors that contribute not only to your ability to fall asleep, but also to the quality of sleep that you actually get. Lack of sleep can increase your risk of obesity by 15%, your risk of cardiovascular disease, and your risk of mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression. Being awake for twenty hours or more has a comparable effect on your brain as being intoxicated. Here are some easy things you can start doing to not only get yourself to sleep, but also to improve the quality of sleep you’re getting!
 
Exercise. Getting exercise is one of the best ways to promote continuous sleep. If you find that getting to sleep is harder when you exercise later in the day, make sure you exercise before 3pm.
 
Avoid screen time. Make it a rule to avoid any screen time at least an hour before bedtime. Research shows that the blue light from phones, computers, and even TVs interferes with falling asleep and makes it harder to get into quality REM sleep.
 
Separate work and sleep areas. Avoid doing any work in bed. This even includes checking emails or making phone calls. Our brain makes associations between doing work and our environment, so reserve your bed for sleeping and relaxing.
 
Journal/Meditate. Journaling and meditating are great ways to unwind from your day and bring yourself into the “here and now”. While trying to fall asleep, your mind can be plagued with incessant thoughts. Getting these thoughts out of your mind through journaling, and following this up with some quiet reflection or meditation, is a great way to slow yourself down and help ease yourself into a restful night.

By: Ranjita Rao

It is so easy to look back at the end of a day and be critical over the way you looked, the things you didn’t get accomplished, and things you wish you had done better. But how often do you look back and think about all the positive things, or give yourself a little pat on the back? My guess is not nearly as often. What if I told you that making some small changes every day could have a profound effect on not only your mental health, but your physical health as well?
 
Practicing self- gratitude can not only boost self-esteem and confidence levels, but can also improve symptoms of anxiety and depression, your relationships, and even your immune system. Let’s take a look at some easy changes to start implementing today so that you can start practicing self- gratitude and take advantage of these benefits!
 
Compliment yourself. Find a couple times a day where you can give yourself a compliment. If you’re in front of a mirror, tell yourself something that you like about your appearance. If you’ve just gotten out of a meeting, take a minute to recognize something you’ve done.
 
Practice self-care. It may be challenging to find the energy to compliment yourself when you don’t allow yourself the time to do what you love. Find time every day (even if it’s only twenty minutes) to do something for yourself!
 
Learn to take compliments. Ever felt uncomfortable when someone gives you a compliment? Accepting a compliment can be challenging in the beginning, but practice saying “thank you” and sitting with that compliment, and acknowledging the feeling that it brings – you may soon realize that you enjoy it!
 
Keep a Gratitude Journal/ Gratitude Jar. Take time every day, maybe at night before going to sleep, to write down some positive affirmations about yourself either in a journal or on some piece of paper that you can save and look at.  Linking behavior change to something tangible is the best way to hold yourself accountable and make it stick.  Lasting change will happen before you know it as you begin to experience the benefits of self-gratitude.

By: Katrin Steinert

​Almost everyone has that little nagging critic that sits in the back of their head telling them all the ways they did something wrong. This critic judges you, nags you, belittles you and constantly tells you why you are not good enough. We give this little critic a lot of power, so much power that the little critic becomes a very big critic. At the surface, this critic can be useful. It can make you want to strive for greatness or propel you to be better. However, too much of that little critic can cause damage to your self-esteem, create anxiety or stop you from doing something because of fear. Here are two tips on how to quiet that inner critic:
 
1.Be aware of the critic 
For most of us, we have made a lifelong habit of letting the little critic speak out of turn. The little critic becomes automatic. In order to quiet the little critic, it is necessary to slow down and pay attention to what is being thought. Examining thoughts will allow you to recognize if the little critic is at work.  One clue that the little critic is at work is when feelings of shame, guilt or doubt surface. 
 
2.Become your own best friend
To combat the little critic is treat yourself how you would treat your best friend. If you would not say it to that lovely human you call your best friend, then why is it okay to say it to yourself? It is important to break that automatic thought by replacing that thought with something more positive. In order to let that positive thought sink in, provide yourself with examples of how great you are to prove to the little critic that it is wrong. 
 
Like all practices, you may mess up or miss an opportunity to quiet the critic. However, the more you practice the better you will become at silencing that little nagging critic. 

By: Katrin Steinert

​Therapy is designed to support you in the expedition of radically accepting yourself, including that funny little wart on the bottom of your toe. Many people have hesitations to starting therapy. Some difficulties may include finding a therapist, learning the different types of therapy, questions on what should be accomplished during therapy and facing any fears that may come up when starting therapy. I have a few helpful tips to starting your journey in therapy:
 
Consult with multiple therapists before picking one:
 Just like meeting new people, you are not going to like every therapist you meet. Therapy is about creating a deep, meaningful relationship with your therapist. It is important that you find a therapist that makes you feel safe and seen. Consulting with multiple therapists before starting will give you a clearer idea of how each therapist operates and how you may work together. 
 
The process cannot be done in a day:
Therapy can be a very long process. At its core, therapy is designed to introduce you to parts of yourself you may not know. The process of therapy may take some time because there is no right or wrong way to do it. It is important to be as honest with yourself as possible and being open to exploring deeper feelings in order to accomplishing the goals you set for therapy. 
 
Sometimes therapy doesn’t feel good, but it gets better: 
Learning about you may bring up many difficult feelings and emotions. By going through the process of exploring feelings it may cause more anxiety or depression. By sticking with the process it will guide you into uncovering important discoveries about yourself. The discoveries will help you start to live in the world in a more authentic and heartfelt way. 
 
Taking the first steps to starting therapy is exciting, scary and sometimes may feel unknown. So I will leave you with a quote, “Just do it.” –Nike