Blog

By: Ranjita Rao

It is so easy to look back at the end of a day and be critical over the way you looked, the things you didn’t get accomplished, and things you wish you had done better. But how often do you look back and think about all the positive things, or give yourself a little pat on the back? My guess is not nearly as often. What if I told you that making some small changes every day could have a profound effect on not only your mental health, but your physical health as well?
 
Practicing self- gratitude can not only boost self-esteem and confidence levels, but can also improve symptoms of anxiety and depression, your relationships, and even your immune system. Let’s take a look at some easy changes to start implementing today so that you can start practicing self- gratitude and take advantage of these benefits!
 
Compliment yourself. Find a couple times a day where you can give yourself a compliment. If you’re in front of a mirror, tell yourself something that you like about your appearance. If you’ve just gotten out of a meeting, take a minute to recognize something you’ve done.
 
Practice self-care. It may be challenging to find the energy to compliment yourself when you don’t allow yourself the time to do what you love. Find time every day (even if it’s only twenty minutes) to do something for yourself!
 
Learn to take compliments. Ever felt uncomfortable when someone gives you a compliment? Accepting a compliment can be challenging in the beginning, but practice saying “thank you” and sitting with that compliment, and acknowledging the feeling that it brings – you may soon realize that you enjoy it!
 
Keep a Gratitude Journal/ Gratitude Jar. Take time every day, maybe at night before going to sleep, to write down some positive affirmations about yourself either in a journal or on some piece of paper that you can save and look at.  Linking behavior change to something tangible is the best way to hold yourself accountable and make it stick.  Lasting change will happen before you know it as you begin to experience the benefits of self-gratitude.

By: Katrin Steinert

​Almost everyone has that little nagging critic that sits in the back of their head telling them all the ways they did something wrong. This critic judges you, nags you, belittles you and constantly tells you why you are not good enough. We give this little critic a lot of power, so much power that the little critic becomes a very big critic. At the surface, this critic can be useful. It can make you want to strive for greatness or propel you to be better. However, too much of that little critic can cause damage to your self-esteem, create anxiety or stop you from doing something because of fear. Here are two tips on how to quiet that inner critic:
 
1.Be aware of the critic 
For most of us, we have made a lifelong habit of letting the little critic speak out of turn. The little critic becomes automatic. In order to quiet the little critic, it is necessary to slow down and pay attention to what is being thought. Examining thoughts will allow you to recognize if the little critic is at work.  One clue that the little critic is at work is when feelings of shame, guilt or doubt surface. 
 
2.Become your own best friend
To combat the little critic is treat yourself how you would treat your best friend. If you would not say it to that lovely human you call your best friend, then why is it okay to say it to yourself? It is important to break that automatic thought by replacing that thought with something more positive. In order to let that positive thought sink in, provide yourself with examples of how great you are to prove to the little critic that it is wrong. 
 
Like all practices, you may mess up or miss an opportunity to quiet the critic. However, the more you practice the better you will become at silencing that little nagging critic. 

By: Katrin Steinert

​Therapy is designed to support you in the expedition of radically accepting yourself, including that funny little wart on the bottom of your toe. Many people have hesitations to starting therapy. Some difficulties may include finding a therapist, learning the different types of therapy, questions on what should be accomplished during therapy and facing any fears that may come up when starting therapy. I have a few helpful tips to starting your journey in therapy:
 
Consult with multiple therapists before picking one:
 Just like meeting new people, you are not going to like every therapist you meet. Therapy is about creating a deep, meaningful relationship with your therapist. It is important that you find a therapist that makes you feel safe and seen. Consulting with multiple therapists before starting will give you a clearer idea of how each therapist operates and how you may work together. 
 
The process cannot be done in a day:
Therapy can be a very long process. At its core, therapy is designed to introduce you to parts of yourself you may not know. The process of therapy may take some time because there is no right or wrong way to do it. It is important to be as honest with yourself as possible and being open to exploring deeper feelings in order to accomplishing the goals you set for therapy. 
 
Sometimes therapy doesn’t feel good, but it gets better: 
Learning about you may bring up many difficult feelings and emotions. By going through the process of exploring feelings it may cause more anxiety or depression. By sticking with the process it will guide you into uncovering important discoveries about yourself. The discoveries will help you start to live in the world in a more authentic and heartfelt way. 
 
Taking the first steps to starting therapy is exciting, scary and sometimes may feel unknown. So I will leave you with a quote, “Just do it.” –Nike
 

By Erik Kruse

Work is stressful, and it can get the better of us sometimes. Having a good self-care routine can prevent feeling burnt out. Sings of feeling burnt out are: (1) Feeling tired even after resting (2) Cutting back on leisure activities (3) Increased feeling of resentment (4) new or worsening health problems (5) Difficulty concentrating (6) Neglecting other responsibilities. Fortunately, there many ways one can incorporate self-care into their lives to improve their emotional state.
Schedule some “me time”
Sometimes it is not possible to complete all your tasks and responsibilities. If we take a break for leisure time, we often feel guilty. This where scheduling some “me time” can come be helpful with reducing guilt. If we are engage in leisure activities during a scheduled “me time,” that was planned, then we are less likely to feel guilty about it.
View self-care as a responsibility
Sometimes it helps to have a perspective shift. Viewing your self-care as part of your responsibilities grants us guilt-free permission to have leisure time. It will even allow us to have more energy to be more productive when we return to work.
Listen to inspirational music in the morning
Sometimes it takes an external force, such as music or an inspirational quote to motivate us to accomplish the tasks ahead of us. Bringing in these motivational influences can often counteract feeling tired even after resting. Change the way you view yourself, your work, and your outlook for the days events.
Share a kind smile with strangers on your way to and from work.
Human connection has a way of increasing our energy levels. Something as simple as smiling at someone or asking them about their day may increase your mood for the day and contribute to feeling less burnt out.
Take a moment at the end of each day and consciously list a few good things in your life.
Often, we take the good things in our life for granted. A classic example is being able-bodied. What we have becomes a normal part of our existence and we forget to reflect on how lucky we are to have it. Reflecting on all the good things in our life or writing a gratitude journal is a great reminder of what we are lucky to have and can alleviate job stress and anxiety. 

Have you ever had one of those days where you were working on overdrive, bouncing from one task to the next, trying to complete a seemingly never-ending to do list before eventually crashing into bed? Do you repeat this same cycle over and over again, compromising your own wants and needs for the sake of “getting things done”?  Do you find yourself saying things like:
 
“I can focus on myself later”
“If I take a break for myself now, how am I going to get everything done?”
“I can’t go to that. Everyone is counting on me to do this!”
 
Sound familiar? Proceeding down this path eventually leads to BURN OUT. Burn out typically describes a state of complete exhaustion whereby a person is depleted of not only their physical energy, but their emotional and mental energy as well. So, how do we make sure that we do not burn ourselves out? This is where self-care comes in.
 
While the terms ‘self-love’ and ‘self-care’ have become more commonplace recently, they sometimes still get a bad reputation. Self-love does not equal selfishness!  Everybody is worthy of taking some “me” time without having to feel like they are being selfish. What many people do not realize is that when we are low on energy, this not only affects us, but also the people around us. So, when you are running low on energy, and are working on overdrive, taking that extra hour for yourself can not only benefit you, but can also benefit those around you--when you are working on empty energy, you cannot provide very much to anyone else. 
 
Thus, as counter-intuitive as it may seem, taking time for self-care may actually be the best way to help take care of others.  By using self-care to manage and prevent burn out, we can make sure that we are available to be our best selves for others. This does not mean that you need to carve out half of your day to go to the Spa (if you can and want to, by all means, do it!) but you can often benefit from smaller commitments, like taking fifteen minutes out of your day to engage in some sort of activity that you enjoy doing.
 
Here are some great ways to practice self- care (that don’t have to take too much time!):
 

• Go for a walk outside and immerse yourself in what’s going on around you
• Light some candles, and take a bubble bath
• Go to a quiet room and read a book that you’ve been wanting to read
• Do a workout class you’ve been meaning to try
• Practice some mindfulness meditation
• Put on some music and sing/dance!

 
And remember, when you are so busy that you think you do not have any time to engage in self-care, that is probably when you need it the most!

​I have always been a foodie. When I think back on positive memories with those I love, food is often involved. Whether it be a family reunion, trying a new restaurant or cooking food in the kitchen- food has always been around me and has always been something that has brought me joy. In addition to loving to try new foods, it is something I often turn to when I'm not just happy, but also when I am sad, anxious, lonely or worried. When I was in high school and college, no matter what I ate, my weight did not change much, so this habit did not set off a red flag for me. However, as I reached grad school, was working 3 jobs and had just moved across the country, I noticed how what I was eating was really starting to effect not only the way my body looked, but how I felt emotionally as well. 
 
 
I was always turning to food to help me feel better, and it was often bad foods or “comfort foods” as my dad has always called them. Foods like chocolate, PBJs, pizza, ice cream or an excess of coffee. For the first time, I saw my self gaining weight and not being able to lose it as I used to. Not only that, but eating these foods made me more jittery, stressed, lethargic and crave more sugar. My anxiety was at an all time high, I was more tired, lazy and my body felt like it was dragging. I began to read lots of books about all kinds of different diets, ways to live healthier and about digestion in general. There is so much information about food out there, but one theme that kept coming up was how eating well can really positively impact your mental well being. 
 
Science shows us how connected our brains and bodies are. When we are eating foods that give us energy, promote digestion and are high in nutrients, we physically feel better, and our minds closely follow. Having a healthy, balanced diet can actually be a protective factor against mental health issues like depression and anxiety. Being able to tune in and pay attention to how you feel when you eat certain foods can be a helpful tool to utilize, especially if you are feeling symptoms of depression and anxiety or are experiencing high stress in your life. Everybody’s bodies are so different, but when it comes down to it- food fuels us all. It is so important to choose the highest quality fuel for your body. 
 
 
Some books I recommend…
“Nourishing Wisdom” by Marc David
“Your Brain on Food” by Gary Wenk
“Good Clean Food” by Lily Kunin

By Eric Kruse

​When I was doing my training as a marriage and family therapist in Graduate School I worked at a community mental health center called The Relational Center. I will never forget the day that my supervisor told me that studies have shown that social isolation can be deadlier than smoking cigarettes. Naturally, being the skeptical person that I am, I researched the topic to see if she was correct, and to my surprise I found the same results.
I was shocked, but after thinking about it further, it started to make sense. We are social creatures. Even if you are an introvert, you still need social contact to some degree. Having no one to share your thoughts or feelings with can lead to dark thoughts and negative ruminations. It’s no wonder the most punitive punishment in prison is solitary confinement. We need to share our thoughts with others to stay sane.
This is where the community plays a huge role. You can be around people and still feel alone. The presence of people is not enough. You must find those who are relatable to you; those who will understand you and be interested in what you have to say. Sometimes these people are not the in closest proximity to you and you will have to go out into the world and find them. This can include going to meetups or attending social gatherings for things you may be interested in, (cosplay events, board game meetups, recovery meetings, group hikes, soccer games in the park, etc.)
The next barrier tends to be social anxiety, and this is where it gets tough. The only way to overcome social anxiety is to expose yourself to the anxiety provoking situation.  I know that is not want you want to hear, but unfortunately it is true. The more you avoid the thing that makes you anxious, the worse the anxiety gets. Every time you lean into the avoidance, you make the anxiety (the thing you want to get rid of) more powerful. Embrace the messiness that is social awkwardness. Remember, there is strong probability that the person you are speaking to is also anxious, which should hopefully be comforting.
Many of us doubt ourselves and fear social rejection to a certain degree. It hurts to feel rejected. It’s normal to feel that pain. However, the pain of social rejection is not as dangerous as the chronic, long lasting, slow burn of loneliness and social isolation. And now that you know that social isolation is deadlier than smoking cigarettes, that should scare you. It’s time to get out there and find your community of people. They exist. You must find them. There is a community out there for everyone.
As a final thought, don’t be afraid to show your emotions. Emotions are how we relate to one another. If you feel nervous, then own it. Say, “sorry I am feeling nervous.” Sometimes saying that simple sentence will help you feel less nervous. The person you are speaking with (if they are not a mean person) will have a better understanding of how you are feelings and may know what to say to relate to you. Give it a try. Get comfortable feeling uncomfortable. 

Many of the clients that I meet with come in with overwhelming amounts of anxiety. Whether the anxiety be about work, relationships, children, managing a household and so on, it is no doubt distressing and can feel like a thinking trap you are unable to escape from. In the world we live in, there is so much to be anxious about, and always so much going on- if not in our lives, then in our community, government, media…the list goes on. I am often asked how to help rid clients of their overwhelming, all-consuming anxious thoughts. Although there are many different exercises and modules of therapy that can address anxiety and thinking patterns directly, I always find it so imperative to first educate others on the importance of self-care.
 
It can be easy to put ourselves to the side when work, family or relationships call (which they always seem to do!). We can be so easily consumed by what is going on around us that we forget to take a moment, and check inwards. No matter the level of anxiety you are experiencing, be it smaller or more extreme, self-care is absolutely crucial. It is important to tune in and find what helps you to relax. Self-care does not have to mean a week long trip to Hawaii. It could be a breath of fresh air outside, a walk in nature, a warm bath at the end of a long day, a manicure, a massage or time with a loved one. It could also be something as simple as taking the time to wash your face, brush your hair and put on your most comfy clothes before cozying up and reading a book. When we can slow down and take the time to put us first and do something that makes us feel soothed, it can do wonders for our brain and body.
 
In therapy, I always take time to explore with the client what makes them feel relaxed and taken care of. If you haven’t ever thought about this for yourself, I encourage you to take time to reflect on this. PsychologyToday, a great resource for finding therapists, psychiatrists and group therapy, has a list of self care ideas for parents, that translates to all of us, parents or not. Click here to learn more: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/joyful-parenting/201708/25-simple-self-care-tools-parents

​Shame is a word that we have all heard before, but rarely hear talked about. Oftentimes shame gets mistaken or used in place of the word guilt. I think it is important to first make a significant distinction between these two. I once read in a book called “Shame and Grace” that guilt is when we feel bad about something we have done, and shame is when we feel bad about who we are. The emotion of guilt can actually be of service to us. If I say something or do something that hurts someone and I feel bad about it or feel guilty, it is a cue to myself that I was possibly wrong and perhaps need to apologize or make peace with that person whom I hurt. In other words, guilt signals that I may be feeling bad for a reason. Guilt is more short-lived than shame, and often dissipates once we have apologized or made peace with something that we have done.
 
This is where shame is different. Shame does not serve us one bit, but instead often lives deep inside of us, rearing its ugly head right below our level of awareness. We can feel guilty about something we have done, but that can turn into shame when we start to use our actions to define our character- for example, I have done something bad, therefore I am bad. We can also be shamed throughout our lives in many ways- by parents, teachers, significant others, friends, etc., but since shame is so rarely talked about in an open way, it gets easy to bury these feelings deep down and avoid dealing with them. Shame can be very difficult to talk about, contributing to why we may not do it often.
 
Therapy is a perfect place to start to explore and unpack this shame so many of us feel. I believe that shame is something that most of us deal with in solitude, often leaving us feeling unworthy and undeserving of so many things in our lives. How powerful it would be if we were able to acknowledge our own shame and talk about it with others who feel it as well. In order to first begin to deal with it, we need to admit that it exists in us. 

By Valentina Setteducate

​When we are little kids, we look up to our parents for everything. Not only do we depend on them to meet our basic needs, but we tend to idealize them and see them as perfect and never failing. When we are little, it seems as if our parents always have the answer, or always know what to do to make things better. In most cases, they are there to fix things for us and protect us when needed, they are our “go-to's” for all the things we need solved in the world.
 
For the first eighteen –or-so years of our lives, they have a lot of power and say. They often support us financially and emotionally, care for us, drive us around, set the rules for us and look out for our well-being. They serve a very active and functional part in our lives, and we feel their presence. However as we grow older and move into adulthood ourselves, an interesting shift can happen in our relationship with our parents. Instead of these perfect beings that know how to do everything, we begin to recognize in our parents their own flaws, shortcomings, and insecurities. Rationally maybe we always knew these existed, but with our own development we can start to recognize that perhaps our parents were not always what we needed them to be, and were not always able to meet our needs, despite their best efforts to do so.
 
Often this realization can be very painful, as there can be wounds present from breaches we have had with our parents. Acknowledging our hurt can perhaps bring about feelings like anger and sadness, or maybe even guilt for having these thoughts about our parents, who have done a lot for us in most cases. Although we cannot right our parent’s wrongs, or make them understand the ways they may have hurt us in the past; we can learn to heal and see them and love them for the flawed human beings they are. Through this process of healing, we can become more aware of our own needs and in turn learn more about our parents, where they came from, and how they have come to be the people that they are.