Blog

By: Eric Kruse

​It has been estimated that humans have anywhere from 30,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day and that up to 80% of these thoughts can be negative. It should be no wonder why so many members of the population struggle with anxiety and depression. It’s impossible to stop ourselves from having negative thoughts, which is why we call them “automatic thoughts,” but we do have control over the thoughts that follow our “automatic thoughts.” 
An effective tool for doing this is to treat our automatic thoughts as guesses. For example, you see people in your office whispering and looking at you and your automatic thought is, “they must be making fun of me.” Instead, try framing that thought as question by altering it to, “Are they making fun of me?” Then follow it with another question, “Are they saying nice things about me? Are they talking about someone or something else and just looking in my general direction?” There are so many conclusions that are positive or neutral that we often miss the chance to consider.
The next step is to write down all the guesses and arrange them into a pie chart. Consider the evidence that supports each guess (i.e., hypothesis) and then assign probability percentage to each guess. For example, the fact that you cannot hear what your colleagues are saying about you and the fact that you don’t know if they are actually looking at you is evidence to support the guess that “they are talking about something or someone else and looking in your general direction” so you can assign I high percentage of the pie chart to that guess. Furthermore, the fact that up to 80% of our daily thoughts can be negative is evidence against the possibility that your colleagues are making fun of you because you now know that statistically there is a high chance that your first automatic thought will be negative. 
Your pie chart can be drawn out by hand our done as a mental image if writing things down is not your thing. The purpose of this exercise is to slow down and consider that your thoughts may not always been accurate, especially when they are tainted by a smoke-colored lens. Treat your thoughts as guesses and make an active effort to follow your negative guesses with neutral and positive guesses. 

By: Ranjita Rao

​Did you know that over 90% of Americans own a smartphone? While there is no clinical diagnosis for cellphone addiction (yet), cellphone addiction is a very real thing, and it could be negatively impacting your life in more ways than you know. Cellphone overuse has been linked to eye strain, neck problems, car accidents, and even symptoms of anxiety and depression. Studies have shown that, like drugs, cellphones can trigger the release of oxytocin and dopamine, the “feel good hormones,” and because most of us have our phones with us all the time, it is very easy to use them to the point where it begins to negatively impact our lives. 
 
Here are some common signs that you may be addicted to your cellphone:

• You find yourself spending more time on your smartphone than you realize—Have you browsed through your phone recently, thinking you were only doing so for five minutes, only to look up and realize that an hour has gone by?
• You use your smartphone to mindlessly pass the time, when you could (or should) be doing other more productive things.
• You fall asleep with your smartphone either right next to you or under your pillow 
• You are distracted from your work and relationships because you are constantly checking emails, texts, or scrolling through social media apps 
• You are distracted by your smartphone while driving 
• You check your phone when you’re feeling bored or uneasy, as a way to distract you from what’s going on around you 

 
If many of these signs resonate with you, you may want to rethink how much time you are devoting to your smartphone. Fortunately, breaking your cellphone addiction doesn’t require you to break up with your smartphone completely. Here are some things you can start doing right now to set yourself up for success.
 
Figure out how much time you spend on each application 
By going into your settings, you can easily find out what percentage of your day and even week was spent on each of your apps. Finding this out can help you figure out which specific apps you spend most of your time on.   You may be surprised by what you find.  For most of us, the majority of our time are spent on apps that we use relatively mindlessly, whenever we are bored like Facebook and Instagram).
 
Pay attention to body cues 
Do you reach for your phone when you’re bored or maybe even anxious? Listen to what your body is trying to tell you, and ask yourself how your phone will make you feel better. More often than not, the “good” feelings you get from your phone is only a temporary fix. Figure out other coping skills to provide positive outcomes. Yoga, meditation, exercise and long walks are a few examples of more positive coping skills 
 
Create some barriers 
If you determine that you spend too much time mindlessly scrolling, you can set up some ways to make yourself more mindful of your usage. This could be something as simple as sticking a post-it note on top of your phone, or even changing your lock screen passcode every day.  These barriers force you to be cognizant, and help you break the habit of looking at your phone every time you have a free second. 
 
Practice separating yourself from your phone
Start small and work your way up to longer periods of time where you do not have your smartphone on you. For example, you could practice leaving your phone at home while you take a ten- minute walk outside, and eventually work your way up to going out to dinner without your smartphone. This also gives you a chance to notice what is happening around you and what your body is trying to tell you. Being more tuned into your surroundings and even to yourself will provide not only physical benefits but also improve your mental health. 

By: Eric Kruse

"Great stories happen to those who can tell them." --Ira Glass

“Storytelling is the most powerful way to put ideas into the world today” – Robert McKee
​
What is Narrative Therapy?
Narrative therapy is a medium for self-reflection and growth through stories or narratives (hence the name). The general idea is to change your perspective on your life by the way you tell your story. Every event that happens can be told from a positive, negative, or neutral lens. For example, let’s say you are suffering from depression. What is the story you are telling yourself about your depression? Are you telling yourself that there is something wrong with you and that you will feel depressed for the rest of your life? How does that story make you feel? Typing that out made me feel hopeless and sad. This is how the stories we tell ourselves about our life impact how we feel. 
Externalizing our Problem
What if I told myself a different story about my depression? What if my depression was not a part of me, but instead an evil entity that dwells inside me. I can even give it a name, such as The Dark Voyager. Sometimes The Dark Voyageris not inside me. Those are my good days. Whether The Dark Voyageris with me today or not, there is definitely nothing wrong with me. If anything, I am strong person for endearing The Dark Voyager’s poison. This is strength-based narrative that allows me to feel proud of my level of resilience to the depression I am facing. 
Life Stories
The story that you tell about your life does not have to be clever. You are not trying to win a creative writing contest. You don’t need characters, such as The Dark Voyager. You can start with a very simple template, such as “my past, my present, my future.” Here is a link to a free template online:
https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/life-story.pdf
Everyone has a story so don’t tell yourself that you don’t. If you tell yourself that your story is dull and boring, then you are formulating a negative narrative, which once again, will make you feel sad about your life. Regardless of how much you believe your life is mediocre and not worth telling a story about, the truth is, it’s not! We have all had formative experiences that have shaped us into the people we are today and those experiences are worth sharing and talking about from a strength-based perspective. 

By: Katrin Steinert

​Almost everyone has that little nagging critic that sits in the back of their head telling them all the ways they did something wrong. This critic judges you, nags you, belittles you and constantly tells you why you are not good enough. We give this little critic a lot of power, so much power that the little critic becomes a very big critic. At the surface, this critic can be useful. It can make you want to strive for greatness or propel you to be better. However, too much of that little critic can cause damage to your self-esteem, create anxiety or stop you from doing something because of fear. Here are two tips on how to quiet that inner critic:
 
1.Be aware of the critic 
For most of us, we have made a lifelong habit of letting the little critic speak out of turn. The little critic becomes automatic. In order to quiet the little critic, it is necessary to slow down and pay attention to what is being thought. Examining thoughts will allow you to recognize if the little critic is at work.  One clue that the little critic is at work is when feelings of shame, guilt or doubt surface. 
 
2.Become your own best friend
To combat the little critic is treat yourself how you would treat your best friend. If you would not say it to that lovely human you call your best friend, then why is it okay to say it to yourself? It is important to break that automatic thought by replacing that thought with something more positive. In order to let that positive thought sink in, provide yourself with examples of how great you are to prove to the little critic that it is wrong. 
 
Like all practices, you may mess up or miss an opportunity to quiet the critic. However, the more you practice the better you will become at silencing that little nagging critic. 

By: Eric Kruse

​Once you have fully utilized all the tools on the Holland Career Test site (https://www.truity.com/test/holland-code-career-test), and worked through your 16personalities results (https://www.16personalities.com/), it’s time to start researching the jobs that are of interest of you. This is where the real grind starts. 
Search Job Sites
Search the interest for the job you are interested in. For example, if you are interested in creative writing, search the for the term: “entry level jobs for creative writers in Los Angeles” (if you live in Los Angeles of course). Your search will probably take you to a job posting website. Here is a list of some sites:

• Indeed.com
• Careerbuilder.com
• Dice.com
• Glassdoor.com
• Linkedin.com

Read over the postings and examine all the information (overview, responsibilities, qualifications, etc.). Don’t allow yourself to feel intimated by the information. Remember that you are of value to a position that fits within your qualifications. Steve Jobs said, “Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you…”  This does not mean that you can apply for any job that you want. If one of the job requirements is a graduate degree or bachelor’s degree, and you don’t have one, then you probably won’t be able to get that job. What this quote conveys is that if you are ready to apply yourself to your passions, you are no less capable of succeeding than anyone else who applies themselves to their passions. It’s a state of mind that builds self-confidence and motivates people to pursue their interests. 
Go to a Company’s Career Section on their Website
Most companies have a career section on their website. It’s usually hidden somewhere towards the bottom. If you know of a company that you would like to work for, then go to their website and search the career section. Apply to entry level positions that fit with your qualifications. 
Writing a Resume + Cover Letter
Writing a resume and a cover letter can be overwhelming. My Perfect Resume(https://www.myperfectresume.com/) is a great resource for getting started. They generate professional sounding responsibilities and achievements statements for your resume based on your past job title. For example, let’s say your past employment was in retail, but you don’t know how to convey your retail responsibilities in a professional sounding manner for your resume.  My Perfect Resumewill generate statements for you, such as, “Resolved all customer complaints in a professional manner while prioritizing customer satisfaction.” You should rework and customize these statements to fit you personally. 
Your cover letter is your opportunity to get creative. This is where you get to write out why you are passionate about working at the company you are interested in. The key to writing a good cover letter is to write about what YOU can do FOR the company. Research the company and see if you can discover any public information about at a problem the company is currently having. Discuss that problem in the cover letter and your thoughts about how you can be helpful with solving that problem. 
Keep a Positive Mentality 
Remember, finding a job is a grind. You will get rejected a lot. Do not take it personally. Keep researching jobs, making cover letters and resumes, and applying to variety of different jobs. Eventually you will get a call back for an interview and your hard work will pay off. 

By: Katrin Steinert

​Therapy is designed to support you in the expedition of radically accepting yourself, including that funny little wart on the bottom of your toe. Many people have hesitations to starting therapy. Some difficulties may include finding a therapist, learning the different types of therapy, questions on what should be accomplished during therapy and facing any fears that may come up when starting therapy. I have a few helpful tips to starting your journey in therapy:
 
Consult with multiple therapists before picking one:
 Just like meeting new people, you are not going to like every therapist you meet. Therapy is about creating a deep, meaningful relationship with your therapist. It is important that you find a therapist that makes you feel safe and seen. Consulting with multiple therapists before starting will give you a clearer idea of how each therapist operates and how you may work together. 
 
The process cannot be done in a day:
Therapy can be a very long process. At its core, therapy is designed to introduce you to parts of yourself you may not know. The process of therapy may take some time because there is no right or wrong way to do it. It is important to be as honest with yourself as possible and being open to exploring deeper feelings in order to accomplishing the goals you set for therapy. 
 
Sometimes therapy doesn’t feel good, but it gets better: 
Learning about you may bring up many difficult feelings and emotions. By going through the process of exploring feelings it may cause more anxiety or depression. By sticking with the process it will guide you into uncovering important discoveries about yourself. The discoveries will help you start to live in the world in a more authentic and heartfelt way. 
 
Taking the first steps to starting therapy is exciting, scary and sometimes may feel unknown. So I will leave you with a quote, “Just do it.” –Nike
 

By: Eric Kruse

​Now that you have taken the 16personalities exam (based on Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) and the Holland Code Career Test (based on psychologist John Holland’s RAISEC model of career choice), its time to start organizing this data to gain insight into what type of employment you would find fulfilling. Let’s look at the Holland Career Test.
Holland Career Test
https://www.truity.com/test/holland-code-career-test
Your Holland Career test results will provide you with the following:

• Your Career Interests (broken down into six areas)
• Your Career Type (your primary interest area of the six)
  • Your top job tasks
  • Your core values
  • Key personality traits
• Exploring Careers (top careers that match your interest profile)

Interpreting the Results
For the purpose of providing an example of how to make sense of this information, I will use my results:
Career Interests:I scored a 100 on the Creating (Artistic) Scale, which means my career type is Creative. I scored an 88 on Persuading (Enterprising), which suggests that I also enjoy leading, motivating, and influencing others. 
My Top Job Tasksare Creating Art, Writing, Interpreting, Designing, and Expressing Ideas. My Core Valuesare Individuality, Creativity, Originality, Freedom, and Flexibility. My Key Personality Types are Independent, Intuitive, Sensitive, Imaginative, Spontaneous. 
Now, the first thing I do with this information is that I look for what applies to me and what does not apply. For example, I dislike writing, so I am not going to seek a creative writing job. However, I do like creating art, interpreting, and expressing ideas so I pocket those pieces of information. I am also sensitive, imaginative, and spontaneous so I take those pieces as well. 
Exploring Careers
Next, I move on to the exploring careers section. The top suggestion is advertising and promotions manager. That does not feel like it fits for me, so I click on the button that reads “career search tool,” which pulls up a new page where you can search jobs based on your career interests. I search for “Creative” and “Persuading” careers since that is where I scored the highest. I scroll down and I find “Announcer.” It says the following: “Announcers present music, news, and sports and may provide commentary or interview guests about these topics or other important events. Some act as masters of ceremonies (emcees) or disc jockeys (DJs) at weddings, parties, or clubs.”  “Announcing” is a hobby I enjoy in the past so this feels like it applies to me. However, I am not interested in monetizing that skill, so I look further. My 3rdhighest career interest was Thinking(scored a 55) so I start looking at Creative and Thinking jobs and I find mental health counselor/therapist, which is the line of work that I am in.
As a therapist, I get to study cognitive, emotional, and social processes and human behavior by observing and interpreting how people relate to one another and their environments. I get to utilize my creative side and implement my Personality Types (Independent, Intuitive, Sensitive, Imaginative, Spontaneous). I have a job that is in line with my Core Values(Individuality, Creativity, Originality, Freedom, and Flexibility), and I utilize my Top Job Tasks(Creating Art, Interpreting, Designing, and Expressing Ideas)
Your Results
Your results will obviously be different. I encourage you to get intimate with your results and spend time exploring all the tools and information on this website. Think about what applies to you and what does not apply to you. Utilize the Career Search Tool and start thinking about what jobs fit your career type, based on the RAISEC model.
Next Step
Discuss your results with a friend. Get passionate about the information. Find someone you know who is in the line of work that you find interesting and request and Informational Interview. Find out what credentials or qualifications you need for the job you are interested in.

​By Ranjita Rao 

​Do you know what your love language is? Dr. Gary Chapman coined the term “Love Language” to describe five universal ways in which we express and receive love. After studying couples over many years, paying particular attention to their interactions and communication patterns, Dr. Chapman theorized that we all have a primary and secondary love language. He found that we generally express love to our partners in the same way that we ourselves want to receive it from them.
 
Here is a brief look at the five different love languages:
 
Words of Affirmation
Individuals who best express and receive love through words of affirmation believe that words hold a lot of value and like to hear specific comments showing that they are cared for. For example, if this is your language, hearing your partner say something like “you are amazing and I appreciate everything you do” can be the best way to make you feel validated. 
 
Receiving Gifts
Some people feel most loved and validated when they receive gifts. If this is your love language, a thoughtful or meaningful present can be the best way to make you feel loved. 
 
Acts of Service
Some people feel most loved when their partner does something nice for them – an act of service.  An act of service can come in many different forms. Maybe you feel loved when your partner notices that the gas in your car is almost empty, and fills it up for you. 
 
Quality Time
If this is your love language, you require quality time and undivided attention to feel loved and appreciated. If this is you, a romantic night out, with no cell phones or distractions might be much better than jewelry.
 
Physical Touch 
Individuals who value physical touch believe that physical affection is what makes them feel the most loved. This isn’t just intimacy in the bedroom. For these individuals, kissing, hand-holding, hugging, and cuddling can all be ways that express love and deep affection. 
 
So what happens when you enter into a relationship with a partner who does not share your love language(s)? Things get complicated. Recall that we generally treat our partner the way that we want to be treated, rather than the way that theywant to be treated.   So, simply becoming aware of your own love language and, more importantly, your partner’s love language, can be very beneficial. For example, if you communicate to your partner that you best receive love through words of affirmation and you learn that your partner best receives love through acts of service, you can each understand what you can do to express your love to the other in ways where both of you will feel loved and validated. However, just because you and your partner have differing love languages does not mean that you have to stop expressing love through your own language— even though we favor one or two specific love languages, we oftentimes appreciate traits from others! It is just important to be cognizant of your partner’s love language and make sure that you incorporate it into your actions. You and your partner will both appreciate the results!
 
Clickhereto find out more about love languages and what your specific love language is!

​What does it mean to be mindful? This is a question I come back to a lot on my own, and also one that my clients ask me often. There are so many ways to be mindful and to meditate, and there is not a one size fits all for any person. The key to living in the moment and learning to be more present can come from starting with the little things. Enjoying your coffee in the morning, taking a ten-minute walk after work, combing your hair and washing your face before bed. It is easy to go through the motions- it is harder to do these things with intention. Taking five extra minutes to sit down when drinking your coffee and not sipping it as you rush out the door. Taking a walk without your phone and paying attention to the beauty and nature around you, instead of making an internal list of what you need to do when you are back. Combing your hair and washing your face and recognizing that this is a way you care for yourself, instead of rushing through it because you feel its another thing that needs to be done. 
 
We can so easily live out of habit instead of out of intent. Being able to stay in the present and make changes requires this intention, and being able to live in the present (or be more mindful!) is what leads us to feeling happier and more content with our life. It can feel overwhelming to feel like we have to be mindful all of the time. When clients come to me and want to start being more present, I always remind them to start small. Form habits and create the time in your day to enjoy what is and just be. Being able to implement this will lead to more lasting change and present moment awareness. Even as a therapist, being mindful is something I am always trying to work at and implement into my life more. Paying attention to what I need and what feels right is important as well and has helped me to take more time for myself and think about what I want for my life in a more intentional way. “The Mindfulness Journal” by S.J. Scott and Barrie Davenport is a great way to help with the process of becoming more mindful and can help with beginning to create that habit into your daily life and practice. I highly recommend this to anyone who is wanting to be more present, aware, grateful and intentional. 

By: Valentina Setteducate

​I think we can all agree that breakups can be some of the most painful experiences we go through in adulthood. Whether a breakup comes as a surprise, has been long overdue, or ends mutually, feelings are often hurt, tangled, and complicated. Whenever I sit down with a client who is in the midst of going through a breakup, I almost always hear “how long do you think it will take until I get over this?” I always wish I had a better answer to this question. 
 
Whether or not you are the initiator or “victim” of a breakup, it’s no doubt that it is very painful on either side. Being hurt by the one you love or hurting the one you love is never an easy thing to do or to go through. Often there is a feeling of stuck-ness on how to move forward and on from the relationship. Every relationship is unique and comes with its own feelings and complications, but self-care is always so imperative for anyone going through the loss of a relationship. Being able to reflect on what helps you to relax and unplug is crucial. It could be a walk around the block, a workout class, drinks with a friend, or time spent in nature. There will be times where you are overwhelmed with emotion and needing a positive outlet, and having some go-to’s in your bag can be helpful during these times. 
 
Another thing I always recommend to clients is journaling their thoughts and feelings that come up. Aside from therapy being a wonderful place to process all that goes on for us when we lose or end a relationship, being able to get out of our head and onto paper can be another outlet to helping us further sort through what’s going on for us. Another word to the wise: you will probably get bombarded with all kinds of advice from friends, family members, co-workers, etc. It’s great to have people in your life to talk to about how you’re feeling, but remember that anyone can give advice, but you are the one that has to handle the consequences of taking or not taking that advice. All of our friends want us to feel better and heal, but don’t feel guilty about still experiencing feelings of wanting to be with the other person, or needing a generous amount of time to heal. Everyone moves at their own pace, and being patient with yourself can be tough. 
 
In the era we live in with technology and social media, breakups are even tougher when we can have access to what the other person is doing or who they are hanging out with. Our brain often sees a photo and fills in the blank with the worst possible assumption. Any break and time away from social media can always be helpful and healing. Being able to put down the phone and unplug for a bit can be the difference between a night filled with assumptions and tears, versus a night full of self care and time spent reflecting on how we are feeling and how we want to move forward. Whatever the circumstance, therapy can be a validating and private space to explore and uncover the things we may not be able to say to others in our life.