In those moments, how can we quickly and genuinely bring about solutions to a conflict? It takes a level of self awareness, self soothing, and rehearsing these three steps over and over.
1. Go to the Balcony
This first step is all about self soothing. You may not have the availably to quite literally take time away and go to a balcony. Instead, imagine a figurative balcony where you can disconnect from intense emotions and take a few breaths. This will give you an opportunity to respond rather than react.
2. Step to their Side
This second step is about empathizing with another’s feelings. You may not agree with their point, but you may be able to acknowledge a feeling and summarize what you heard. This may look something like this, “I know you are frustrated right now because me working late caused us to leave later for dinner. I know how being on time is important to you and I might also be frustrated if I were in your shoes.”
3. Build a Golden Bridge
This final step is about offering an olive branch. How can you suggest a compromise, if fitting, or be apart of the solution. This might sound something like this, “If we do miss our reservation, l will take full responsibly in finding a new restaurant for us tonight. In the future, I’ll also will try to communicate when I might be late in getting home.” This shows that you desire to reach a conclusion that serves both people. After all, the only “win” in an argument, is when two people who love each other can maintain love, respect and understanding through compromise.